So I skipped a few days...

Was really trying to get back here on a semi/quasi/dailyish basis and then once again - life happened.

Work has been busy. I'm hiring and firing them left and right. Anyone want a job? I pay good and I'm really not that big of a bitch, I swear, just expect you to SHOW UP and SELL INSURANCE. Really, that's all I ask. Sigh...

True story - today I fired one that I let hang on WAY too long, but sometimes you just keep hoping that they'll turn it around. Personally this woman grated on my every single nerve and I would have let her go a long time ago but my partner kept telling me to let her have one more chance... So for the eighth time in less than 4 months she calls in sick yesterday. I haven't called in sick 8 times in 4 years - wtf? Anyway, I fire her this morning and actually felt very calm and knew that I had made the right decision. Believe it or not, it's not easy firing people and normally it's a gut wrenching, horrific experience for me more than them.

Anyhoo, let her go, sent her packing and went to let the other troops know that she was gone and why she was gone (maybe they will get the hint that I expect them to show up and work?). Morning moving along nicely and at lunch time I decided to go sit in the lunchroom with them to let them know I'm a team player, a little morale booster, ya know? THE STORIES THEY TOLD ME! YEEGADS!

Apparently this woman and her husband were 'swingers' and not only had she offered her 'services' to everyone in the office (throwing up in my mouth right now), she has a website where the 'solicit' other swingers, (again throwing up in my mouth), and they spend their weekends 'meeting' new couples and 'swinging' with them all weekend (ewwww.... threw up for real this time). I mean first, you would have to have met this woman and seen this woman AND her husband to realize how gross and nasty this is (again...) but to 'solicit' my other employees - yikes! Thank goodness I let her go so nobody sued me for a perverted work enviroment!

I mean WTF??????? (once again...)

Things not to be bitter about…

So I flew to Houston this morning to be with my friend Tammy for her visit at MD Anderson.  As always happens when I travel alone I find such fun and adventure… Not.

So lucky me first thing this morning going through security and I get chosen to be one of the elite that gets to enjoy the pleasure of THE FULL BODY SCAN…  I actually feel sorry for those people that got to see my x-rayed naked body, hope they hadn’t eaten recently because I’m pretty sure the were dry-heaving after that… Actually gave me quite the perverted pleasure thinking about them all lining up at the toilets…

I did get my coveted aisle seat, which is a necessity when you a) have extremely long legs that make it almost impossible to sit on an airplane and b) are a severe claustrophobic and don’t like being in an enclosed space with people touching you or breathing on you…

However my coveted spot did have it’s downside, as it always does, because it seems I am a magnet for either a) deaf mothers with uncontrollable screaming children or b) smelly men.  Hooray for me the smelly men won out this go round.  It appears the five gentlemen sitting in the seats directly in front of me had a little contest this morning to see who could wear the most of the strongest, most disgusting smelling cologne.  I was so praying for that oxygen mask to drop from the sky…

But better yet, little dude next to me that probably only weighed 80 pounds soaking wet, could never be weighed soaking wet because I don’t believe he has ever let water or soap touch his rancid smelling body...  Go me!

I do believe airlines should go back to the good ole’ chauvinistic days of flight attendants being cute, little sexy things and re-institute a weight limit for them.  Yes, I actually said that.  Why, you ask?  Because if the extremely large, male flight attendant’s ass hit me in the face once, it hit me about 2 dozen times as he walked past me in my coveted seat…  Nice.

Of course this sounds like another blog about things to be bitter about, but it’s not I assure you.  Why?  Because the sole purpose of coming to Houston was to be with my friend and possibly share in her disappointment, has turned in to a rather Grande day for me (and her of course)!

After enduring my enjoyable travel experience, we won’t even go into the rental car fiasco, and then waiting hours upon hours for her while she was in her doctor’s appointment, we learned that there is an experimental drug that she can be placed on that has had a high success rate of reducing or stabilizing the growth of the kind of cancer she has.  Can I get a “THANK YOU SWEET JESUS”?

Yes, after months and months of every kind of torture possible she will begin taking this new drug tomorrow and must be back in Fort Worth at 9:00 am to have her base Cat Scan and begin the treatments.  It’s not necessarily a cure, but there have been people that have been on this drug for up to 10 years and done remarkably well in stabilizing the growth of the cancer.

I am beyond ecstatic and full of joy and now I get to sit here in Houston this evening all alone because they are rushing back to Fort Worth to start our new plan tomorrow.  But I’d rather sit here alone being happy than holding her hand and crying our eyes out.  Looks like I will have a long day tomorrow doing nothing waiting for the business dinner I have scheduled at 7:00.

But I’m not bitter, not one little bit!

 

The Bitter Blog…

Well today was a rather long, boring day but one of my favorite type of Saturday’s, Hubby had to work and C3 had Lacrosse practice so I got to sleep in and hang out in my pajamas until noonish.  I guess it’s not really nice of me to admit that I LOVE it when Hubby has to work on Saturday, but we all know niceness isn’t one of my strong suits…

Basically after doing absolutely nothing all day but sitting on my ass, this evening I decided the I was craving chocolate.  Seeing how it’s only a mere two weeks since Valentine’s Day and I didn’t receive the obligatory CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES, I decided to trek to the store and get the stuff to make my own.  They’re still in season, right?

Let’s forget the fact that I gave my three children the obligatory/traditional Valentine’s Day gift of card/candy/VD boxers (yes they do actually wear them and it is the traditional gift for every holiday that they produce holiday boxers):

For good measure I even threw M1 into the mix and got her a cute little VD sleep set with boxers.  Made sure Hubby was not left out and had three bags of his favorite candy, that nasty Butterfinger thing, with the sappy card.  And what did I get you ask?  Not a damn thing, not even a stupid card.  Bitter?  Yes, as a matter of fact I am.  Still.

Anyhoo, I made my chocolate covered strawberries

even doubled the batch and I managed to eat six, well maybe eight, right away.  And now I have a huge stomach ache and a gazillion chocolate covered strawberries…  Bitter about that too.

I’m also a little bitter about some of the other sucky parts of my life too...

C2 and M2 broke up right before Christmas and he’s still having a hard time with it.  He’s had his good days and his bad days but he seems to have slipped into another of his really bad periods.

A lot of things about this make me bitter, bitter that it’s my lot in life to deal with the perils of having a bipolar son.  Bitter that a girl that I actually liked and welcomed into my family hurt my son. Bitter that no matter how hard I try I can’t help/heal my son.  Bitter that I still have the Christmas gifts I carefully and lovingly picked out for M2 are still wrapped, sitting in the closet.  Particularly bitter that I bought personalized gifts that cannot be returned and will never be used. 

And to make it worse, I’m actually a little bitter that I have so much bitterness in me right now…

The things that suck about life...

Last June while vacationing in Florida I was awaken one morning by a phone call from one of my very dearest friends. It wasn't the sort of news that one wants to hear while on vacation, or at any other time as a matter of fact.

My friend told me that while being treated for pneumonia and not getting better, that they had discovered by x-ray that she had a large tumor in her lung which in fact had collapsed her lung. Once a full body scan was done, it was also learned that the cancer had spread to her liver, pelvis, left butt cheek and right femur. Within a few days we had a plan and the party started.

Radiation and chemo began and we were all on 'Team Tammy' and even ordered blue plastic wristbands for support. The radiation worked on the tumor in her lung and it virtually disappeared, which was wonderful news and we were all ready to celebrate. Unfortunately the next scan showed that the tumor in her liver had grown along with the cancer in her femur.

But that was okay, we were on a team and ready to fight the battle! After a dangerous radiation treatment on the liver and radiation on her femur and continued chemo, we knew we had this thing licked. But that was not to be the case, the radiation did work on tumor liver and it started to die from the inside out but two more had appeared as well as one in her kidney. Then the radiation on her femur caused the bone to become so fragile that it virtually disintegrated above her knee.

But that was okay, she could use a wheelchair while we fought the new tumors, we were still in the fight. Never once giving up hope or faith that we were going to beat this devil. She continued her treatments, became weaker and frail, losing her hair and then it started growing back. She started gaining her strength back and once again it was time for the scan and we were ready to celebrate yet again.

Sadly, before the scan could be run about a month ago she developed a massive headache, a pain so unbearable she had to be rushed to the hospital. A cat scan showed that she now had two brain tumors, brain swelling and a blot clot on her brain.

But that was okay, we were ready for the next game plan. So she started radiation on her brain, started taking steroids to reduce the swelling and coumadin to clear the clot. We were back in action and fighting the fight! She finished her radiation treatments last Friday and her steroid treatment on Saturday.

Tueday she called me and asked me to come have lunch with her on Wednesday. She asked me to bring lunch from 'our' restaurant, the one we have shared meals to discuss good times, bad times and sad times. She didn't sound as peppy as she had before but I wanted to believe she wanted to share the good news with me in person, even though in my heart and in my head I knew that wasn't true.

So I took her lunch from our favorite restaurant and went to spend the afternoon with my best friend. Sunday she began having symptoms of brain swelling again, she lost control of her motor skills, she couldn't speak and was not comprehending. They rushed her to the ER and the catscan showed that yes the brain was swelling again and the tumors had not shrunk but grown. She wanted to tell me in person that we might not win the fight. They started her back on steroids and the symptoms went away and she has lost her hair again.

She is lucky enough to have been accepted at MD Anderson in Houston and she leaves Monday for a two week testing period. She has not given up hope, but she is tired and she is in pain and told me that she did not know how much more she had to give. This may very well be our last chance, our last hope. I will be traveling to Houston with her on Tuesday and will be able to stay with her for two days to hold her hand. I wish I could go for the whole two weeks. I've not given up hope, but my faith is wavering and I feel helpless.

I do know that not many people are lucky enough to have a friend like my friend. I consider myself to be the luckiest person in the world to not only have known her for 25 years but to have had her as my best friend that entire time. We speak every day and we have yet to end a conversation without telling each other that we love each other. Not many friends do that and if they do they don't mean it like we mean it. I feel blessed to have walked through more than half of my life with her and I hope to keep on walking with her.

Tammy, I love you!

I'm baaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk....

Well maybe and maybe not...

It's been pointed out to me that I have not blogged in a really long time. I don't have much of an excuse, really I don't, but life has just been so busy. Sigh...I won't even bore you with the details.

You all know that I've been a secret blogger for many, many, many years and I have never let anyone in my private life into the sanctum, not even hinted that I have a blog. Lately several of my relatives have started blogging, like it's a new thing or something, duh, where've you been? But I have one special relative, one of my many nieces, that I've let into my secret blog world. It was petrifying at first, letting someone I know see the 'true' inner me that I've only shared with my favorite blog friends. But I think I'm okay with it, just probably won't share with the others, because most of them are like the 'others', you know from Lost... But I am shouting out to you Turtle Face, hope you enjoy the craziness of me...

For those of you that don't know, C1 has officially been engaged to M1 since December. They are not planning on doing the BIG thing until May 2012, but things have been a swingin... I am fortunate to have a future daughter that has made more than the required effort to include me in every aspect of the planning. How did I get so lucky? With 3 heathen male children, I never thought this would be a possibility.

We've been to a bridal show, which was quite overwhelming thankyouverymuch, we've gone and looked at a few different venues and she (they) have finally decided on one, the ONE that I picked out originally. It's a beautiful place and it felt so perfect when we were there and she liked it! And I picked it out!!

She and her mother asked me to go dress shopping with them and I regretfully declined. I think that is definitely the one thing that she should share with her mother alone. Besides Turtle Face was more than gracious to allow me to accompany her on her search for the perfect wedding gown, so I've had the experience. It was a wonderful experience, full of laughter, joy and tears and to the day I die, I will never forget sharing that experience. BTW, she chose the dress I picked out, so I must have incredible taste, just sayin...

I actually told M1 that I wanted to wait to see her in her dress until she walked down the aisle to marry my son. I want no details of the said dress, though she taunts me relentlessly, I want to see her in all of her glory for the very first time on the day she becomes my true daughter. I want to share in the awe and excitement along with my first born son. I want to be able to be surprised and cry on that glorious day. So does that make me weird?

Tonight, C1 called for C3 and he officially asked him to be one of his groomsmen. I actually thought C3 was going to cry! I don't think I have ever in all of his 17 years seen him so excited and proud to have been asked. He told us over and over again tonight, how honored he was . That made my heart shine and fill with pride. He's already been online to find out what his 'duties' are as a groomsman and shared all the details with me. He is so fricking cute! God I love that boy! Not sure what C2's reaction was, although C1 told C3 that he was calling him tonight as well. I sure hope the next 14 months fly by...

Looking forward to the planning to come, the changes in our family dynamic and hopefully I won't be so lazy and I'll be here to share it all with you.

Wowsa...

Really it's been 2 1/2 months since I've been here?

This and That...

I'm bored.  I really, really hate being bored.  Business is slow and I shouldn't be complaining about that because I do have a job and they are still paying me good money to sit here and be bored but it's really hard to sit here and be bored all friggin day long.  Run-on sentence anyone?  There are only so many facebook games that one can play to fill an 8 hour day...  I am trying not to worry about this little bit of slump that we are currently in but I am losing sleep over it.  Or it could be that I'm losing sleep over the fact that I do absolutely nothing all day long and then go home and fret about doing nothing all day long and then I can't sleep all night long.  Now if this wasn't a boring paragraph I don't know what it was...

So last time I left you with a little bit of a mystery to solve and that was an epic fail.  No I have not taken in any more dogs to my abode but I would like to introduce you to my (hopefully, fingers and toes crossed) future grand-dog daughters...

This is Bella:

Bella belongs to C1's intended.  Now I say intended because they are not 'officially' engaged and I don't know when exactly that will happen, BUT, they have had the 'talk'.  You know, the 'would you marry me if I asked you to marry me' and 'let's buy a house together' sort of talk.  Now C1 is an odd duck and after dating M1 for 2 years and shacking up with her for almost 1 year, the thought never crossed his mind to have such a talk with the poor girl.  However he did have this talk with his MOTHER.  He seemed a little shocked that I suggested he have the talk with M1 because he didn't think that was 'how it was done.'  I do often wonder how he managed to graduate college, really I do?  I guess after much prodding from me, they finally had the talk and they are in agreement that they want to marry and live happily ever after so I will become the grandmother of another D.O.G.  Just my luck.

This is Zoey:

Zoey belongs to M2, C2's intended.  They are also not 'officially' engaged but have had the talk and openly discuss the plans of marriage.  No ring on the finger yet and if I didn't think it would bring bad luck I'd actually go buy it myself before C2 screws this whole deal up.  I like this girl and for some odd reason she likes C2, that makes her a keeper.  Hopefully he can keep her and then I will once again become the proud grandmother of another D.O.G.  Two for the price of what?

C3 is still dating his little girlfriend, which BTW, guess what letter her name starts with???  There's something about this girl I don't like, can't put my finger on it but Hubby and the boys all swear it's just because C3 is my baby boy.  But I don't know, I'm a pretty good judge of character and my first impressions are usually dead on, and unfortunately for M3 my first impression was... skank... Time will tell.

Finally after about two months, the hubs and I came to an agreement on what flooring should replace the perfectly good flooring that was already in place but was all destroyed in the Destruction 2010 project.  Bitter?  Yes, yes I am.  How long will I be bitter?  Haven't decided yet.  So today when I get home there will be new wood flooring covering the entire BIG OPEN ROOM with the exception of the kitchen because I did actually get my way on one thing.  The tile, practically brand new tile I might add, will remain in the kitchen area.  I guess that is what we came to an agreement on, he gets his way as always and I get the smidgen ass whoopin of a decision.  He made a comment last night that "hopefully this was the very last remodel job we will ever have to do."  To which I turned and gave him the evil eye and responded, "Yes, it will, unless you plan on being buried under the backyard deck that you love so much."  Anyone want to place bets on this one???

Yes you have just read the ramblings of a very BORED woman...