So I skipped a few days...

Was really trying to get back here on a semi/quasi/dailyish basis and then once again - life happened.

Work has been busy. I'm hiring and firing them left and right. Anyone want a job? I pay good and I'm really not that big of a bitch, I swear, just expect you to SHOW UP and SELL INSURANCE. Really, that's all I ask. Sigh...

True story - today I fired one that I let hang on WAY too long, but sometimes you just keep hoping that they'll turn it around. Personally this woman grated on my every single nerve and I would have let her go a long time ago but my partner kept telling me to let her have one more chance... So for the eighth time in less than 4 months she calls in sick yesterday. I haven't called in sick 8 times in 4 years - wtf? Anyway, I fire her this morning and actually felt very calm and knew that I had made the right decision. Believe it or not, it's not easy firing people and normally it's a gut wrenching, horrific experience for me more than them.

Anyhoo, let her go, sent her packing and went to let the other troops know that she was gone and why she was gone (maybe they will get the hint that I expect them to show up and work?). Morning moving along nicely and at lunch time I decided to go sit in the lunchroom with them to let them know I'm a team player, a little morale booster, ya know? THE STORIES THEY TOLD ME! YEEGADS!

Apparently this woman and her husband were 'swingers' and not only had she offered her 'services' to everyone in the office (throwing up in my mouth right now), she has a website where the 'solicit' other swingers, (again throwing up in my mouth), and they spend their weekends 'meeting' new couples and 'swinging' with them all weekend (ewwww.... threw up for real this time). I mean first, you would have to have met this woman and seen this woman AND her husband to realize how gross and nasty this is (again...) but to 'solicit' my other employees - yikes! Thank goodness I let her go so nobody sued me for a perverted work enviroment!

I mean WTF??????? (once again...)

Things not to be bitter about…

So I flew to Houston this morning to be with my friend Tammy for her visit at MD Anderson.  As always happens when I travel alone I find such fun and adventure… Not.

So lucky me first thing this morning going through security and I get chosen to be one of the elite that gets to enjoy the pleasure of THE FULL BODY SCAN…  I actually feel sorry for those people that got to see my x-rayed naked body, hope they hadn’t eaten recently because I’m pretty sure the were dry-heaving after that… Actually gave me quite the perverted pleasure thinking about them all lining up at the toilets…

I did get my coveted aisle seat, which is a necessity when you a) have extremely long legs that make it almost impossible to sit on an airplane and b) are a severe claustrophobic and don’t like being in an enclosed space with people touching you or breathing on you…

However my coveted spot did have it’s downside, as it always does, because it seems I am a magnet for either a) deaf mothers with uncontrollable screaming children or b) smelly men.  Hooray for me the smelly men won out this go round.  It appears the five gentlemen sitting in the seats directly in front of me had a little contest this morning to see who could wear the most of the strongest, most disgusting smelling cologne.  I was so praying for that oxygen mask to drop from the sky…

But better yet, little dude next to me that probably only weighed 80 pounds soaking wet, could never be weighed soaking wet because I don’t believe he has ever let water or soap touch his rancid smelling body...  Go me!

I do believe airlines should go back to the good ole’ chauvinistic days of flight attendants being cute, little sexy things and re-institute a weight limit for them.  Yes, I actually said that.  Why, you ask?  Because if the extremely large, male flight attendant’s ass hit me in the face once, it hit me about 2 dozen times as he walked past me in my coveted seat…  Nice.

Of course this sounds like another blog about things to be bitter about, but it’s not I assure you.  Why?  Because the sole purpose of coming to Houston was to be with my friend and possibly share in her disappointment, has turned in to a rather Grande day for me (and her of course)!

After enduring my enjoyable travel experience, we won’t even go into the rental car fiasco, and then waiting hours upon hours for her while she was in her doctor’s appointment, we learned that there is an experimental drug that she can be placed on that has had a high success rate of reducing or stabilizing the growth of the kind of cancer she has.  Can I get a “THANK YOU SWEET JESUS”?

Yes, after months and months of every kind of torture possible she will begin taking this new drug tomorrow and must be back in Fort Worth at 9:00 am to have her base Cat Scan and begin the treatments.  It’s not necessarily a cure, but there have been people that have been on this drug for up to 10 years and done remarkably well in stabilizing the growth of the cancer.

I am beyond ecstatic and full of joy and now I get to sit here in Houston this evening all alone because they are rushing back to Fort Worth to start our new plan tomorrow.  But I’d rather sit here alone being happy than holding her hand and crying our eyes out.  Looks like I will have a long day tomorrow doing nothing waiting for the business dinner I have scheduled at 7:00.

But I’m not bitter, not one little bit!

 

The Bitter Blog…

Well today was a rather long, boring day but one of my favorite type of Saturday’s, Hubby had to work and C3 had Lacrosse practice so I got to sleep in and hang out in my pajamas until noonish.  I guess it’s not really nice of me to admit that I LOVE it when Hubby has to work on Saturday, but we all know niceness isn’t one of my strong suits…

Basically after doing absolutely nothing all day but sitting on my ass, this evening I decided the I was craving chocolate.  Seeing how it’s only a mere two weeks since Valentine’s Day and I didn’t receive the obligatory CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES, I decided to trek to the store and get the stuff to make my own.  They’re still in season, right?

Let’s forget the fact that I gave my three children the obligatory/traditional Valentine’s Day gift of card/candy/VD boxers (yes they do actually wear them and it is the traditional gift for every holiday that they produce holiday boxers):

For good measure I even threw M1 into the mix and got her a cute little VD sleep set with boxers.  Made sure Hubby was not left out and had three bags of his favorite candy, that nasty Butterfinger thing, with the sappy card.  And what did I get you ask?  Not a damn thing, not even a stupid card.  Bitter?  Yes, as a matter of fact I am.  Still.

Anyhoo, I made my chocolate covered strawberries

even doubled the batch and I managed to eat six, well maybe eight, right away.  And now I have a huge stomach ache and a gazillion chocolate covered strawberries…  Bitter about that too.

I’m also a little bitter about some of the other sucky parts of my life too...

C2 and M2 broke up right before Christmas and he’s still having a hard time with it.  He’s had his good days and his bad days but he seems to have slipped into another of his really bad periods.

A lot of things about this make me bitter, bitter that it’s my lot in life to deal with the perils of having a bipolar son.  Bitter that a girl that I actually liked and welcomed into my family hurt my son. Bitter that no matter how hard I try I can’t help/heal my son.  Bitter that I still have the Christmas gifts I carefully and lovingly picked out for M2 are still wrapped, sitting in the closet.  Particularly bitter that I bought personalized gifts that cannot be returned and will never be used. 

And to make it worse, I’m actually a little bitter that I have so much bitterness in me right now…

The things that suck about life...

Last June while vacationing in Florida I was awaken one morning by a phone call from one of my very dearest friends. It wasn't the sort of news that one wants to hear while on vacation, or at any other time as a matter of fact.

My friend told me that while being treated for pneumonia and not getting better, that they had discovered by x-ray that she had a large tumor in her lung which in fact had collapsed her lung. Once a full body scan was done, it was also learned that the cancer had spread to her liver, pelvis, left butt cheek and right femur. Within a few days we had a plan and the party started.

Radiation and chemo began and we were all on 'Team Tammy' and even ordered blue plastic wristbands for support. The radiation worked on the tumor in her lung and it virtually disappeared, which was wonderful news and we were all ready to celebrate. Unfortunately the next scan showed that the tumor in her liver had grown along with the cancer in her femur.

But that was okay, we were on a team and ready to fight the battle! After a dangerous radiation treatment on the liver and radiation on her femur and continued chemo, we knew we had this thing licked. But that was not to be the case, the radiation did work on tumor liver and it started to die from the inside out but two more had appeared as well as one in her kidney. Then the radiation on her femur caused the bone to become so fragile that it virtually disintegrated above her knee.

But that was okay, she could use a wheelchair while we fought the new tumors, we were still in the fight. Never once giving up hope or faith that we were going to beat this devil. She continued her treatments, became weaker and frail, losing her hair and then it started growing back. She started gaining her strength back and once again it was time for the scan and we were ready to celebrate yet again.

Sadly, before the scan could be run about a month ago she developed a massive headache, a pain so unbearable she had to be rushed to the hospital. A cat scan showed that she now had two brain tumors, brain swelling and a blot clot on her brain.

But that was okay, we were ready for the next game plan. So she started radiation on her brain, started taking steroids to reduce the swelling and coumadin to clear the clot. We were back in action and fighting the fight! She finished her radiation treatments last Friday and her steroid treatment on Saturday.

Tueday she called me and asked me to come have lunch with her on Wednesday. She asked me to bring lunch from 'our' restaurant, the one we have shared meals to discuss good times, bad times and sad times. She didn't sound as peppy as she had before but I wanted to believe she wanted to share the good news with me in person, even though in my heart and in my head I knew that wasn't true.

So I took her lunch from our favorite restaurant and went to spend the afternoon with my best friend. Sunday she began having symptoms of brain swelling again, she lost control of her motor skills, she couldn't speak and was not comprehending. They rushed her to the ER and the catscan showed that yes the brain was swelling again and the tumors had not shrunk but grown. She wanted to tell me in person that we might not win the fight. They started her back on steroids and the symptoms went away and she has lost her hair again.

She is lucky enough to have been accepted at MD Anderson in Houston and she leaves Monday for a two week testing period. She has not given up hope, but she is tired and she is in pain and told me that she did not know how much more she had to give. This may very well be our last chance, our last hope. I will be traveling to Houston with her on Tuesday and will be able to stay with her for two days to hold her hand. I wish I could go for the whole two weeks. I've not given up hope, but my faith is wavering and I feel helpless.

I do know that not many people are lucky enough to have a friend like my friend. I consider myself to be the luckiest person in the world to not only have known her for 25 years but to have had her as my best friend that entire time. We speak every day and we have yet to end a conversation without telling each other that we love each other. Not many friends do that and if they do they don't mean it like we mean it. I feel blessed to have walked through more than half of my life with her and I hope to keep on walking with her.

Tammy, I love you!

I'm baaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk....

Well maybe and maybe not...

It's been pointed out to me that I have not blogged in a really long time. I don't have much of an excuse, really I don't, but life has just been so busy. Sigh...I won't even bore you with the details.

You all know that I've been a secret blogger for many, many, many years and I have never let anyone in my private life into the sanctum, not even hinted that I have a blog. Lately several of my relatives have started blogging, like it's a new thing or something, duh, where've you been? But I have one special relative, one of my many nieces, that I've let into my secret blog world. It was petrifying at first, letting someone I know see the 'true' inner me that I've only shared with my favorite blog friends. But I think I'm okay with it, just probably won't share with the others, because most of them are like the 'others', you know from Lost... But I am shouting out to you Turtle Face, hope you enjoy the craziness of me...

For those of you that don't know, C1 has officially been engaged to M1 since December. They are not planning on doing the BIG thing until May 2012, but things have been a swingin... I am fortunate to have a future daughter that has made more than the required effort to include me in every aspect of the planning. How did I get so lucky? With 3 heathen male children, I never thought this would be a possibility.

We've been to a bridal show, which was quite overwhelming thankyouverymuch, we've gone and looked at a few different venues and she (they) have finally decided on one, the ONE that I picked out originally. It's a beautiful place and it felt so perfect when we were there and she liked it! And I picked it out!!

She and her mother asked me to go dress shopping with them and I regretfully declined. I think that is definitely the one thing that she should share with her mother alone. Besides Turtle Face was more than gracious to allow me to accompany her on her search for the perfect wedding gown, so I've had the experience. It was a wonderful experience, full of laughter, joy and tears and to the day I die, I will never forget sharing that experience. BTW, she chose the dress I picked out, so I must have incredible taste, just sayin...

I actually told M1 that I wanted to wait to see her in her dress until she walked down the aisle to marry my son. I want no details of the said dress, though she taunts me relentlessly, I want to see her in all of her glory for the very first time on the day she becomes my true daughter. I want to share in the awe and excitement along with my first born son. I want to be able to be surprised and cry on that glorious day. So does that make me weird?

Tonight, C1 called for C3 and he officially asked him to be one of his groomsmen. I actually thought C3 was going to cry! I don't think I have ever in all of his 17 years seen him so excited and proud to have been asked. He told us over and over again tonight, how honored he was . That made my heart shine and fill with pride. He's already been online to find out what his 'duties' are as a groomsman and shared all the details with me. He is so fricking cute! God I love that boy! Not sure what C2's reaction was, although C1 told C3 that he was calling him tonight as well. I sure hope the next 14 months fly by...

Looking forward to the planning to come, the changes in our family dynamic and hopefully I won't be so lazy and I'll be here to share it all with you.

Wowsa...

Really it's been 2 1/2 months since I've been here?

This and That...

I'm bored.  I really, really hate being bored.  Business is slow and I shouldn't be complaining about that because I do have a job and they are still paying me good money to sit here and be bored but it's really hard to sit here and be bored all friggin day long.  Run-on sentence anyone?  There are only so many facebook games that one can play to fill an 8 hour day...  I am trying not to worry about this little bit of slump that we are currently in but I am losing sleep over it.  Or it could be that I'm losing sleep over the fact that I do absolutely nothing all day long and then go home and fret about doing nothing all day long and then I can't sleep all night long.  Now if this wasn't a boring paragraph I don't know what it was...

So last time I left you with a little bit of a mystery to solve and that was an epic fail.  No I have not taken in any more dogs to my abode but I would like to introduce you to my (hopefully, fingers and toes crossed) future grand-dog daughters...

This is Bella:

Bella belongs to C1's intended.  Now I say intended because they are not 'officially' engaged and I don't know when exactly that will happen, BUT, they have had the 'talk'.  You know, the 'would you marry me if I asked you to marry me' and 'let's buy a house together' sort of talk.  Now C1 is an odd duck and after dating M1 for 2 years and shacking up with her for almost 1 year, the thought never crossed his mind to have such a talk with the poor girl.  However he did have this talk with his MOTHER.  He seemed a little shocked that I suggested he have the talk with M1 because he didn't think that was 'how it was done.'  I do often wonder how he managed to graduate college, really I do?  I guess after much prodding from me, they finally had the talk and they are in agreement that they want to marry and live happily ever after so I will become the grandmother of another D.O.G.  Just my luck.

This is Zoey:

Zoey belongs to M2, C2's intended.  They are also not 'officially' engaged but have had the talk and openly discuss the plans of marriage.  No ring on the finger yet and if I didn't think it would bring bad luck I'd actually go buy it myself before C2 screws this whole deal up.  I like this girl and for some odd reason she likes C2, that makes her a keeper.  Hopefully he can keep her and then I will once again become the proud grandmother of another D.O.G.  Two for the price of what?

C3 is still dating his little girlfriend, which BTW, guess what letter her name starts with???  There's something about this girl I don't like, can't put my finger on it but Hubby and the boys all swear it's just because C3 is my baby boy.  But I don't know, I'm a pretty good judge of character and my first impressions are usually dead on, and unfortunately for M3 my first impression was... skank... Time will tell.

Finally after about two months, the hubs and I came to an agreement on what flooring should replace the perfectly good flooring that was already in place but was all destroyed in the Destruction 2010 project.  Bitter?  Yes, yes I am.  How long will I be bitter?  Haven't decided yet.  So today when I get home there will be new wood flooring covering the entire BIG OPEN ROOM with the exception of the kitchen because I did actually get my way on one thing.  The tile, practically brand new tile I might add, will remain in the kitchen area.  I guess that is what we came to an agreement on, he gets his way as always and I get the smidgen ass whoopin of a decision.  He made a comment last night that "hopefully this was the very last remodel job we will ever have to do."  To which I turned and gave him the evil eye and responded, "Yes, it will, unless you plan on being buried under the backyard deck that you love so much."  Anyone want to place bets on this one???

Yes you have just read the ramblings of a very BORED woman...

Really, it's been a month????

oops... a whole month has passed since my last entry...  How did that happen? 

Quick catch-up, still no flooring in the one big happy room and after the bids I've gotten you should all be happy that I'm not in jail for murdering my husband for destroying my little happy home...

C3 and I went on vacation to sunny Florida and had the BEST time ever and I came back all tan and happy.  Then I went back to work...  However, in addition to having the BEST time ever, we also had the great honor and pleasure of spending some quality time with my blog buddy from the very beginning!  Some of you may know her as Plain Jane and some of you may know her as Connie, I luckily know her personally and cannot even begin to tell you how lovely and sweet she is.  And a wonderful hostess!  Her daughter is adorable and precious and just as pretty and sweet as her mother. 

Thank you sweet lady for a wonderful time!

Have other developments to share, but time has run out for today...  But I will give you two hints...

Hmmm....

Almost There…

Fart Garfunkel finally finished and I can actually see ‘the vision’ of what’s to come. Now if the money fairy would drop by and help me with the flooring options all will be good…

View from the hallway…

Circular view, if I were good at taking pictures that is…

But I can wait on the money fairy because Saturday morning – I’m leaving on a jet plane…

This is what you do when the day never ends...

Really I wish someone would just shoot me and make this day end!  I feel like I am living in a virtual hell right now.  My house is a disaster and it makes me not want to even go home after work.  Yet, I am exhausted from dealing with the messy crap condition that my house is in and having no rest, for there is no where to rest, so my days at work drag on into eternity.

So what does one do to pass the time living in remodeling limbo?

I had a makeover is what I did! 

Before:

 

And After:

 

What you can't see is not only did I have a virtual facelift I also stole Catherine Zeta Jone's body!  So you want to have a virtual makeover?  Just go here:

http://www.marieclaire.com/hair-beauty/trends/articles/virtual-hairstyle-makeovers

Calgon (or Gypsies, I don't care) TAKE ME AWAY!

Remodel Hell

So we are at the end of week one of the remodeling hell project. With two more weeks to go, not real sure who will die first, Fart Garfunkel construction dude, Hubby or ME!

This is my life, don't you wish you were me?????
Click here to view photos

Things that really piss me off…

People that are liars or people that don't do what they say they will do really PISS ME OFF!

The first group, liars, really get on my last nerve. So C3 had the little fender bender, rear-ended someone coming up to a red light. At most, he was going 5, maybe 10 mph. Not a MAJOR collision with tons of damage, actually there is a 2" scratch on our bumper. No other damage to our car, none, zippo. The other guy of course tells me at the site that he has been rear-ended before and the other guy had no insurance. It was quite apparent that he never got his bumper fixed and I actually took pictures just in case he tried to screw us:

 

Here’s our car:

 

How about a close up of the damage:

I mean REALLY, there is a 2" scratch on our bumper and this much damage to his car - I don't think so. Especially since our car is a little BMW that sits MUCH lower than this car.

My first question when I arrived on the scene was "IS ANYONE HURT?" Of course not, they were ALL fine standing around, even told me they were all just fine. NOW, the claim has been upgraded to an 'Accident with Injury' - WTFever! Of course this means they have hired one of those lawyers that advertise on TV that claims they can get you MILLIONS of dollars for your injuries. I'm so pissed off right now I could spit nails because I'll probably lose my insurance or it will go up so high that I'll have to sale my house. Son of a frickin basket eater...

Speaking of houses... the Fart Garfunkel construction dude has pissed me off too. I purposely was late to work yesterday to give him instructions on where to put the dumpster that was supposed to be delivered at 9 am. Of course by 9 am it wasn't there but I told him where to put it and also explained that we had moved all furniture possible and covered the rest with tarps because I did NOT want my good furniture getting dirty. Hmphh! He called Hubby later and told him that the dumpster they delivered was too BIG for the driveway and couldn't deliver another until Monday.  He asked if we wanted him to wait and start on Monday. Of course he was SUPPOSED to start on Tuesday but moved that to Thursday for unknown reasons so Hubby told him no, go ahead and start. The PLAN was for him to build a supporting structure around the area to a) make sure the ceiling and roof did not cave in and b) to contain the mess. This is what I drove up to at 6:00:

FRICKING AWESOME! Let's see how fast the City can fine me for this!

And that supporting structure wall? No where to be found but this big old mess is what I have:

And the final thing to piss me off – C3 himself.  Just got his report card, not really happy with the fact that he FAILED Spanish and had 3 C’s to boot.  On my shit list, you better believe it!

The destruction begins - A pictorial...

So today is the BIG day! I took my 'before' pics to share with you last night but somehow managed to forget them today. That would probably be because Hubby was acting like a Sergeant General last night and forcibly making C3 and I move ALL of the furniture and knick knacks out of the three 'under construction' rooms so that nothing got 'messed up.' Have you ever tried to move 3 rooms worth of furniture and STUFF into one small spare bedroom? Good times, good times.

I am a little, shall we say concerned, about this new demolition project of Hubby's. I'm not so sure 'concerned' is the right word, more like SCARED TO FRICKING DEATH...

The walls that are going to be, um, deleted, from my home are actually what are referred to as load bearing walls (thanks Chris!).

Yes, LOAD BEARING WALLS, so can you see my concern?

I guess I should have faith in the contractor, however he doesn't really look like a normal contractor. He actually looks like a mini-me Art Garfunkel, remember him?

The only real difference is that he's sporting the old Beatles bowl cut, you remember those?

Actually if this dude picture had blonde hair, it would look very similar to the contractor... It's really hard to tell if his hair is real or a really bad toupee. Scary.

My faith was a little rocked yet again this morning when he showed up wearing these, which were at least 40 years old and 3 inches too short...

Yeah, that was something I dressed my TODDLERS in...

Better yet, his two 'workmen' reminded me of these fellows:

Seriously.

And this my friend is all Hubby's idea. I'm putting this in print just in case my roof caves in when the fireplace and LOAD BEARING WALL removal causes my roof to collapse and I am homeless...

Thanks HUBBY!

And here we go again...

Well I think that C3 broke the record of all three of my boys with lightening speed!  Exactly nine days into being a licensed driver he rear-ended another car at a red light.  Nine whole days, gawd!

Thankfully nobody was injured except for some pride.  Wasn't even really much damage to our car and I'm 99.9% positive the damage to the other car was there previously, however with our luck they will be permanently disabled and sue us for millions...

The new "project remodel" begins on Wednesday and I've been informed that it will probably take about three weeks, MINIMUM!  I spent  today cleaning out two of my storage closets that I will lose and combining them into one which I had to rearrange to fit the stuff from the other two.  Not easy my friends, not easy at all.  I've also learned that while this destruction, I mean construction, is underway the three rooms that will be effected will have a temporary wall built around them and we will not be able to use them.  Since this is the kitchen, my office AND the living room, it appears we will be living in the bedrooms for the next month or so.  Hmmmm...  Good news is that I won't be able to cook for a month and the bad news is that we will be living in the bedrooms for the next month, together. 

Just about completion time of this project, C3 and I will be leaving for our annual vacation.  I couldn't have planned that better!  We were planning on heading back to Destin and it's beautiful beaches again this year but due to the oil spill I was afraid to make that commitment.  Instead, after much cajoling by sweet Connie, we are heading to West Palm Beach/Ft Lauderdale for a week of glorious beach time.  And better than that, I will finally get to meet Connie and her lovely family!  I can hardly wait!  Hopefully I can make it until then without murdering Hubby or C3...

Hope everyone has a great Memorial Day, take a moment and remember those that have served our country.

 

It was not meant to be...

So C2 and the girl (whom I've decided will no longer be called the porn star, because, well I kind of like her, so she will be M2) made the decision that it was not the right time for them to start a family.

Of course this was after the first decision that they were going to have the baby and I actually got really excited about that despite my initial reaction of nothing.  And I was REALLY excited and bursting at the seams waiting to share the news.  But then for some reason they changed their minds.  Which is okay, and I stand behind their decision, because I love them and want them to be happy.

What I wasn't prepared for was the overwhelming grief that I would feel and still feel.  My heart hurts, an actual pain in my heart.  I'm sad and I don't know if I have the right to be so heartbroken, but I am.  I almost wish that C2 hadn't shared any of it with me because ignorance is bliss and instead of going on my merry way and being blissful, I'm distraught.  I haven't been able to share my feelings of despair with anyone, so I am sharing it with you, hoping to make myself feel better.  But it's not making me feel better.

I guess becoming a grandmother was not meant to be, at least for now, and hopefully soon I will shake this feeling of sadness.  Maybe someday I will quit thinking about what it would have been like, how much I would have enjoyed it, how much I would have loved her/him and I'll be happy once again. 

 

Just when I thought life was easy...

My sweet baby has had two very exciting days in a row this week! Yesterday, we ventured to the local DPS at 7:15 AM so that he could take his driving test and get his drivers license. For the past couple of months I've been telling myself that I couldn't wait for this moment. My days of being the chauffeur and staying up late to pick him up were over. In reality, I'm sick to my stomach!

The trip to the DPS was relatively uneventful, except for the fact that we arrived at 7:15 AM and didn't leave until 10:00 AM! Seriously, why would they just have O.N.E. trooper that gives driving tests? The day before Hubby took him after school and after waiting an hour in line they were told (AFTER they did the paperwork AND paid the money) that the don't give driving tests after 3:00 PM. I'm pretty sure that most 16 year old kids don't get out of school that early, but okay?

He thankfully passed on his first try (I had some serious doubts about this) and acted like a toddler in a candy store. I am proud to say that he actually hugged me right there in the middle of the DPS and didn't care who saw. I however was near the vomiting stage from the stress and told him to go get in line and get it over with. He insisted that I stand there with him and although I wanted to run outside and secretly shed tears, I was the dutiful mother and listened to his giddiness. At one point, he even put his arm around me and laid his head on my shoulder and thanked me for being his Mom - ahhh...

He wasn't exactly thrilled when we walked to the car and I told him to give me the keys because I was driving... but he was already 2 hours late for school and we needed to book it. He asked if I was going to go to the house so I could get my car and he could drive to school to which I replied, "Not today Son." Surprisingly he took that very well.

He had to work yesterday at 4:30 and after a long conversation with his father, we decided to let him drive. Hubby pointed out that it was less than two miles straight down the road and I had to relent. That 10 minutes between the time he called me telling me he was leaving and the time he arrived at his destination were the longest 10 minutes of my life! My anxiety level was so high that I actually gave myself a migraine! But alas, he arrived alive and made it back home safely again.

Today he had to go to work yet again and I unfortunately was stuck in a meeting when he called to tell me he was leaving. I have trained him well however because I was greeted by two voice mails when I got back to my office. Both exactly 10 minutes apart, he had left and he had arrived. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that he stays this good!

Upon arriving home a few minutes ago he was once again giddy and jumping with excitement. He had received his very FIRST paycheck! A whopping $14.78 and you would have thought he was a millionaire!

Last week we he accompanied me to the bank he asked if he could get a bank account when he started getting paid. I told him absolutely, we would set up two accounts because he needed a savings account (little does he know he already has one of those) and told him that he had to save 25-50% of each paycheck and the rest would be his spending money. He asked me how much I put into savings each week and I did what all good mother's do, I lied and told him that I did 25%. He agreed this was a great plan. Ahhh...

So as he was jumping around waving his paycheck around I asked him how much of that $14.78 would be going into savings? His response, "Uh, $7.00?" I thank God everyday that he is a sweet and good looking child, because a math wiz he is not...

To my sweet baby, C1, although it's killing me that you are growing up I am thankful for every single day I get to spend with you. I love you, you are the sweetest boy E.V.E.R!

And So It Begins... AGAIN...

Addictions are a serious issue and can cause a lifetime of pain to those that love you.  There are many different addictions that people suffer from whether it is drugs or alcohol, smoking, sex, gambling or perhaps even hoarding.  Overcoming and seeking help for one's addiction to whatever succumbs them is often a long and hard battle for the addicted person and those around them.  Sadly, some people just can't be helped, no matter how hard they want to stop or try to stop.

My husband has an addiction and I think he needs serious help.  No matter what I try to do to stop the addiction, no matter how much money is spent, it appears that our life is entangled on this perpetual roller coaster.

So once again, we travel down the path of ...home remodeling...  When will it be enough I ask?  Just when I get to the point of feeling complete and done there is another project.  Another project that destroys the previous projects that were just done!  WHY??????

It has only been a few years since we re-did the living room/office, den and kitchen with new flooring, paint, appliances,furniture, etc.  NOW, he wants to knock down the walls between these three rooms and make it one big happy room!  All THREE rooms have different flooring, which means we will have to figure out how to make that gel.  The ceiling in the den and kitchen is different from the living room/office, that's a problem.  One of these walls houses the new double oven that has barely been used and there is no other WALL for this to move to which means that now I have to re-do the counter top and cabinets to make room for a drop-in range.  Let's not even mention the cabinet space that I am losing from the destruction of this wall!  We won't even discuss the dirt and dust and inconvenience construction people bring with them! 

What's next people?  When will this madness stop?  Someone please take me away...

 

To Be or Not To Be…

IS that the question?

Watching two of my soap opera's last night, Grey's and Private Practice, left me emotional and teary eyed.  Okay, actually I was sobbing uncontrollably at the last one... The theme of both of these shows centered on finding or going after your 'true love' and doing what makes YOU happy.  Of course there was a lot of other stuff thrown in there to make me weep...

I lay down with my stuffy nose and headache after allowing myself my little nervous breakdown and was just on the cusp of falling asleep when I got one of those late night phone calls.  It's been a really long time since I had one of those and as always it startled me awake and left me with a racing heart.

It was C2 and when I learned that he was neither hurt nor needed bail, I started to calm down just a little bit but I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was sad and needed to talk.  I quietly got up and left my bed so I didn't wake or disturb Hubby and could talk to him for however long he needed.

He dropped a bombshell on me when he said, "Well today you would have been a grandmother."  WTH? What exactly does that mean?

It appears he and the porn star have actually been in the discussion stage of becoming grown ups and having a future together.  You know all that let's buy a house and live happily after ever stuff... Apparently they discovered yesterday that she was pregnant. Wow, hmmm... Before I could even let the shock/excitement take over however he told me that she wanted to have an abortion but he didn't want her to.

We had a long talk about this and I tried to talk to him about how she must be feeling and even though they weren't seeing eye-to-eye on the subject.  It sounded like he said all the right things and tried to do the right things but she was too upset to deal with it.  As I was giving my advice and trying to be the loving mother that I was supposed to be, it shocked me to discover that I had no feelings one way or the other.  I consider myself an emotional person that wears my feelings on my sleeves and I've always thought I was a caring person, most definitely a person with convictions that is never afraid to voice my opinion or my beliefs.  But last night, I had no feelings at all, none, zippo.

How could it be after sobbing for two hours while watching stupid TV that when my son drops a major bombshell on me that I feel nothing?  Shouldn't I have cared?  Do I care?  Still today, nothing.  He called me a little bit ago and talked to me some more and again I tried to get him to see things from her point of view.  She's young, she's scared, having an abortion doesn't mean she doesn't love you she's just not ready to be a mother.  I was being calm and rational, I'm not a calm and rational person.

For the record, I don't believe in abortion.  That is my conviction but I don't hold this conviction on to anyone else, I believe that everyone has a choice.  I would not and have not held it against anyone that has made this decision in their life.  So what's wrong with me?  With a decision like this looming over my head, why do I not feel anything?  Is something wrong with me?

Lost - You've Lost Me...

I am admittedly a TV junkie... My DVR is so full right now and I can never find the time to catch up on all my shows. Since I was a 'Lost' devotee from the very beginning and never missed a single episode, I have purposely made time each week this season to watch it. This is the final season after all...

What started out as a really good soap opera (that's what Hubby calls my shows) has turned into a complete - WTF? Seriously! If I could wring the writers/directors/whoeverthehellisincharge's neck, I would.

I know, I know, we are suppose to be "LOST" but really? You told me you would give me answers. You haven't given me any answers, you've given me more shit that makes no sense and you've ruined the whole thing. You really have. I don't like you very much right now. I'll keep watching just to see if you really are going to answer all the questions, but honestly, 'Lost' - you've lost me...

So how goes it?

Did you know it is the middle of May?  Damn time flies!

I wish I could tell you that my life has been so extremely interesting and exciting that I've been too busy to blog, but I'd be lying.  I can tell you that Health Care Reform will soon be the death of me, can almost guarantee that one...

So to catch up, hmmm... well let's see... Let's not go back too far because that hurts my head...

C1 - still living with M, guess this might be the one?  'Tis okay, I like her more than I like him.  He's getting ready to start on his third gym, somewhere in Oklahoma. 

C2 - still living in Dallas but wanting to move out of the city - yeah!  Has a girl, oh yeah, remember the "Porn Star", well it's her and I think they might be getting a little serious, but this is C2 and tomorrow's another day.  Still working for his dad but just re-took the real estate test to get his license back.

C3 - well now, that's an interesting story...  let me see, first, he broke his pelvis about a month or so ago running track, he's healing and will be fine.  He decided to quit football, which broke my heart.  He's dating a skank.  And he's completed all his classes and will be an official lifeguard this weekend, and oh yeah, he gets his drivers license next week - SHIT!

Had a really great Mother's Day with all three of the boys showing up and bringing PRESENTS - gotta love the girlfriends for at least that.  Hubby WAS going to make me this great Salmon dinner but the recipe proved to be too much for him to handle, so I made my own dinner and it only took 3 hours.  They said it was good, don't know was too tired to eat it.

I got a promotion at work, not that it matters at this point since we are talking lay-offs and I'm trying to protect as many as I can.  Thank you Congress and Mr. Prez, you are adding thousands to the 'line' any day now...

But alas, I will worry about that another day, today I'm penning my blog and looking for a vacation destination.  Just wish I knew where that dang oil spill was headed?

I've been quietly visiting all of you and trying to catch up.  It's pretty dang hard to read 5 months worth of blog entries!  Did ya miss me?