Monday, September 21, 2009

This too shall pass...

I don't think that I have ever described in full detail what life is like being the mother of a bipolar child. I'm not even sure I know how to describe it to be quite honest with you. I can tell you that it is gut-wrenchingly hard, it breaks my heart and it destroys my soul during the bad times. During the good times there is no love better than the love of your child. I wish I knew the secret. I wish I knew the answer. I wish I had the cure. I wish that the fog that has been hovering for so long could be lifted. I wish I had the sweet, loving little boy of years past back in my fold. I wish I could hold him in my arms and instead of promising that everything will be alright, that I could make it alright. But I can't. And I never will have that power. I just have to try and make it to the end of the latest fog and pray that it does clear. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I just have to hold my head high. I just have to continue to pray to the higher being. I just have to keep believing that HE will answer my prayers. And on days like today, it's okay if I lose my ability to do all of these things and lay in my bed in the fetal position and cry my heart out and grieve for that little boy that I miss so much. And hope and pray, that this too shall pass. Even though the feeling to scream and get mad at HIM for placing this burden on me and my son is overwhelming. This too shall pass... Please God let it pass.

14 comments:

Becca said...

Thinking about you, and hoping that this passes soon.

Tracie said...

((Huggs))

3carnations said...

I'm sorry. It must be so difficult for both of you.

Dory said...

Hang in there Kat. Being a mom is a tough tough job. But,there is nothing worse than giving in to that overpowering feeling of despair.

Believe me, I know I've spent some time wallowing in it myself here lately.

Small Town Girl said...

It will pass and life will be good again. Thinking about you guys and praying for a quick healing for your boy. Love you!

Bev said...

Oh Kat. This is just heart breaking. Know that I will keep you and your son in my prayers. I send you a great big virtual hug.

Cindy (You know more than one bipolar Cindy?) said...

Two things I know for sure about my bipolar ...

1) When I'm feeling incredibly bad, I know that eventually it will pass. So I just hang on.

and ...

2) When I'm feeling good, I know that eventually, unfortunately, it will pass. So I enjoy it as much as I can ... while I can.

I don't know if that helps but there ya go.

Hugs

Lulu said...

I've been reading here forever and didn't realize you had a bipolar child. Shows how observant I am.

Hang in there!

Jane! said...

Big Hugs, Kat.
I hope he finds his way back, soon.

Baylee and Blair's page said...

Big Hugs! Hang in there!!!

Hugs - Tiff

The Lady in Pearls said...

Oh Kat - hope he's made it through it by now. For your sake and his. Praying for ya.

Mrs. K said...

How the hell did I miss this?? TELL ME HOW! I'm sorry- it shall pass..doesn't it always? many hugs

Lynn said...

So much love sent to you, and to your son, Kat. Being bipolar, and having a bipolar daughter too, I can only tell you I know some of what you are feeling...and that you will get through this, both of you. Each time.

Nancy said...

Sure wish I could talk to you....