IS that the question?
Watching two of my soap opera's last night, Grey's and Private Practice, left me emotional and teary eyed. Okay, actually I was sobbing uncontrollably at the last one... The theme of both of these shows centered on finding or going after your 'true love' and doing what makes YOU happy. Of course there was a lot of other stuff thrown in there to make me weep...
I lay down with my stuffy nose and headache after allowing myself my little nervous breakdown and was just on the cusp of falling asleep when I got one of those late night phone calls. It's been a really long time since I had one of those and as always it startled me awake and left me with a racing heart.
It was C2 and when I learned that he was neither hurt nor needed bail, I started to calm down just a little bit but I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was sad and needed to talk. I quietly got up and left my bed so I didn't wake or disturb Hubby and could talk to him for however long he needed.
He dropped a bombshell on me when he said, "Well today you would have been a grandmother." WTH? What exactly does that mean?
It appears he and the porn star have actually been in the discussion stage of becoming grown ups and having a future together. You know all that let's buy a house and live happily after ever stuff... Apparently they discovered yesterday that she was pregnant. Wow, hmmm... Before I could even let the shock/excitement take over however he told me that she wanted to have an abortion but he didn't want her to.
We had a long talk about this and I tried to talk to him about how she must be feeling and even though they weren't seeing eye-to-eye on the subject. It sounded like he said all the right things and tried to do the right things but she was too upset to deal with it. As I was giving my advice and trying to be the loving mother that I was supposed to be, it shocked me to discover that I had no feelings one way or the other. I consider myself an emotional person that wears my feelings on my sleeves and I've always thought I was a caring person, most definitely a person with convictions that is never afraid to voice my opinion or my beliefs. But last night, I had no feelings at all, none, zippo.
How could it be after sobbing for two hours while watching stupid TV that when my son drops a major bombshell on me that I feel nothing? Shouldn't I have cared? Do I care? Still today, nothing. He called me a little bit ago and talked to me some more and again I tried to get him to see things from her point of view. She's young, she's scared, having an abortion doesn't mean she doesn't love you she's just not ready to be a mother. I was being calm and rational, I'm not a calm and rational person.
For the record, I don't believe in abortion. That is my conviction but I don't hold this conviction on to anyone else, I believe that everyone has a choice. I would not and have not held it against anyone that has made this decision in their life. So what's wrong with me? With a decision like this looming over my head, why do I not feel anything? Is something wrong with me?