Thursday, December 18, 2008

Well Hell Am I Supposed to Remember Everything?

Alrighty then, obviously forgot to mention the liver tumors, so get your panties out of a wad and forgive me!

Back when I had the fake heart attack in April, thus producing major panic attacks, the cardiologist had me do a MRI so that he could prove to me that I was completely fine and had nothing to worry about. The results of that MRI were that I had mild coronary artery disease (did I mention that before?) but nothing to worry about. He instructed me to keep taking my cholesterol medicine since this was the remedy anyway.

A couple of weeks later my regular physician reviewed the results of that MRI and called me to discuss the 'liver tumors' - and I responded with "WTF are you talking about?" Apparently I had three suspicious masses on my liver and she was shocked that the cardiologist did not mention this (he has since been relieved of his position as my cardiologist). I was sent to a Gastro doctor (wasn't even going to try to spell that one) and he had me do an 'invasive MRI'. That entails putting dye in your body through an IV and you must remain in the small tubular device for an hour or more. Having MAJOR claustrophobia AND already suffering with panic attacks, I was sedated and lived through it. The result was that I indeed have three tumors on my liver that have thus far been determined to be benign. I was to repeat the same scan in three months to measure the size of the tumors and see if there was any growth.

So Monday morning I went for my scan. It was 26 degrees here in Texas, not cold by some of your standards, but colder than a witches tit here. They had told me not to wear anything magnetic so I showed up in my little jogging suit ready to have some good drugs. Once inside the clinic, where the temperature was approximately 30 BELOW 0, they asked me to change into the little nightgown and I could keep my panties on. I changed quickly because it as colder than a witches tit (I mentioned that already I think), got on the table, the IV and anxiety meds were started, the dye began and once I was blindfolded they slid me into the small tubular device. Drugs were working rather nicely and the machine started to whir and cling and clank and after a few minutes the tech asked me if I had removed my bra. Ooops, nope forgot that.

The machine was stopped I was pulled back out and then we had to figure out how to get the bra off with the IV connected. Good times. We managed to slip it over the IV wires and hung it on the IV pole. I'm blindfolded again, slid back into the small tubular device and the whirring and clinging begins again. Moments later, the device stops, the tech says, "I'm sorry, we are going to have to pull you out again." I am pulled out one more time to discover that the wires in my bra, that was hanging on the IV pole, was being pulled magnetically to the machine and trying to drag the IV pole with it and causing the machine not to work. Unfortunately Jane I did not have a Titanium bra...

So anyhoo, after all that fun and excitement and coming home to sleep it off while the Mexican tile layers continued tiling and jamming to their Spanish radio station, the Gastro doc called yesterday to tell me that the tumors have not had any significant change in size. So there, that's the story. Will have another scan in April to check one more time and go from there.

Any more questions?

18 comments:

meg said...

Okay, the image of your bra dragging the IV pole along towards the MRI machine is just too funny- them's some bodacious tatas, Kat :-)
Glad everything looks stable- here's to shrinking livers !

Jess said...

No, I think it's all cleared up now. I'm glad they seem to be benign.

Jane! said...

I would have just loved to see your bra run up the flag pole like that. Haha!
Makes you wonder where all those hot flashes are when you really need them, huh?
Are you sure you didn't buy from the VS TITanium line? Sorry, couldn't resist.

Tracie said...

OH Jane! That was a good one!! I am too visualizeing your bra hanging on the line. Only you!

Glad all your tests were okay!

ZooKeeper said...

Glad to hear that everything seems to be fine regardless of the wardrobe and machine malfunctions! Oh and the horrible Spanish Music!

Small Town Girl said...

You kill me...I didn't know about the bra thing. That's funny stuff right there!

BBB said...

WTH!! I didn't get to read your blog last night as I had to take my wrecked car (wrecked it on an icy street two doors from my house) to get it fixed. I come in and read today's post and yesterday's post and I am astounded. I forgive you for not telling us but WTH??

So glad you are okay and I hope things continue that way.

Oh...BTW I am finally pretty much well. I am halfway afraid to say that and jinx myself. I mean bad karma has been hanging around me since October and I am ready for a break.

Today's my last day of work till after New Years. Wooofreakin'hoooooo!!

Hugs!

Jeankfl said...

Yeah.. I'm pretty sure I'd have remembered that.. OK Well allrighty then! You're lucky you didn't forget and have a credit card in that bra.. or it would be useless, too! I love the visual of the bra pulling the IV pole into the machine.. I would give a lot to see that.. I am glad it came out benign. Just keep on it..
hugs,
Jean

Mrs. K said...

ok am i the only one wondering how is a cardiologist supposed to know what's going down by your ass? seriously. not giving him brownie points but i wouldn't trust a cardio to give me an obgyn check up know what i mean? and what's the distance from your heart to your liver anyways? isn't it like a good 2 feet? but anyhoo GLAD they caught this and GLAD things are ok...the thing with the BRA?? YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP trying to hit on those young kids ;)...that taking off bra without removing your shirt? they have seen it plenty by now.

and heba...my god. I was pissed that she won the 100k but had she been a finalist she would have won the whole thing because she would have beat everyone. And VIcky...oh Vicky...karma is a bitch.

MyFrogs said...

Glad to hear things are "ok" with your liver!

It is kind of funny to imagine a bra up an IV pole. But I've seen MRI safety videos and those suckers are STRONG! They toss a wrench into on the videos, not so funny.

Mrs. K said...

HE HE HE that's right...shit I'm sorry- I was thinking of the kidneys...oopsies- either way I'm glad things are stable...

tracy said...

Now see, this sounds familiar to me, so either you did mention it, or I made it up and then it came true :) I swear I remember you talking about going in the machine thing and the chlaustraphobia/anxiety. At any rate I'm glad that all seems to be well!

And YAY for Michelle!! And Vicki sucks!! She's gonna be back at her starting weight within a year, and her hot-ish husband will leave her ass and find someone not so bitchy!

Pat said...

Ok, I'm trying to visualize your bra up an IV pole??? Anyway, glad things are good for you now. Take care and hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Hugs, Pat

Lulu said...

Yes, you can have your job back....you are unfired. ;)

I am very happy to hear that things with your liver basically turned out as well as they could have!

Take care of youself woman!!!

BJB said...

No...no more questions...unless there is anything else you 'forgot' to share with us!!! i'm giggling at the thought of your bra flying across the room through the magnetic force field. And honey...I doubt you have any idea what 30 below feels like but come to MN in the next day or so & I think you'll agree that it wasnt even close to -30 in the MRI tube!!!!

Becca said...

Wow, you have been through a lot. Many hugs!

The Lady in Pearls said...

Well hell no, you aren't supposed to remember everything. But this isn't just "everything"! This is important. And you should remember to tell us this stuff! At least so we can have a good laugh at the bra getting caught up! And then after we're done laughing - we can say little prayer of thanks that they were benign!

Kelly said...

That's too much crap to go through at Christmastime. Glad they're benign...keep us informed.