I am a total slacker and other reasons I suck...

The New Year is supposed to bring new changes to one's life and one is supposed to make resolutions to become a better person in the New Year, etc., so forth and bullshit...

In my annual "I don't do resolutions, but will work on being a better person" evaluation of myself, I have decided that I am just plain and simple a total slacker and I suck. Don't try to argue with me nor give me any pep talks, I'm really not looking for that. I am just simply telling the truth as only a true blue slacker can.

I've been slacking in many areas, not just posting insightful and meaningful blogs (like THAT ever happens) or keeping up with all of my blog buddies, but in all sorts of ways. Actually I don't know if SLACKER is the proper term her, maybe it's more of I AM A MIDDLE-AGED, TURNING FRUMPING, LAZY ASS WHITE WOMAN, however slacker is much shorter to type, yet another example of my laziness...

I really wish that I could say that I am totally overwhelmed with life and that I just have so much on my plate that I have shut down mentally, but honestly life is really easy right now. Yes, I'm knocking on wood and crossing myself and all of that crap because I said this out loud. I keep hoping that this is God's little way of rewarding me for all the hell and crap that I have gone through in my life or maybe it is just I have finally become 'settled.'

With my track record I know this may not (okay it WON'T) last forever and one would think that I should be savoring the calm between the storms and just go with it. But no, instead of enjoying this time I have begun internally fretting over why if life is so good right now then why am I not taking the bull by the horns and enjoying it? Why instead have I become a slacker and decided to sit on the sidelines instead of rejoicing in the freedom? Because I suck.

I suck at enjoying the good things in life. Even though we still have one child at home, he is the easiet (and sweetest) child we have and I'm not constantly running here or there helping him chase his dreams. Work is good, things are running fairly smoothly and I have the ability to pretty much set my own hours and once I leave at 5:00 I turn my 'work brain' off and I don't think about it until the following morning when I come in again. I've climbed the ladder to that spot I've always dreamed of and I feel secure and safe. After years and years of financial struggles, we are finally in a place where we have what we need and want and still have some left over to use for enjoyment instead of living in fear of how we are going to make it another day or week. Hubby and I have settled into that perfect harmony of two souls destined to be together forever. Sure we still have our squabbles, that's part of our schtick, but we are finally on the same page at the same time.

So why all this internal discontent? Why can't I get up off my lazy, slacking ass? Why can't I accomplish the simple day to day goals I set for myself? I wanted to begin this New Year with a healthy attitude, a healthy mind, body and spirit, but I just find myself sitting on the sidelines and watching it go by, well actually I find myself sitting on the couch watching The Biggest Loser, crying, eating eskimo pies and thinking that I am such a slacker and I suck...