Sixteen

Happy Sweet Sixteen to my baby boy! I can hardly believe that he is sixteen already, man how time flies....

Maybe...

Peace and serenity. I feel it coming, hopefully soon. Thanks for all of your for being here for me!

This too shall pass...

I don't think that I have ever described in full detail what life is like being the mother of a bipolar child. I'm not even sure I know how to describe it to be quite honest with you. I can tell you that it is gut-wrenchingly hard, it breaks my heart and it destroys my soul during the bad times. During the good times there is no love better than the love of your child. I wish I knew the secret. I wish I knew the answer. I wish I had the cure. I wish that the fog that has been hovering for so long could be lifted. I wish I had the sweet, loving little boy of years past back in my fold. I wish I could hold him in my arms and instead of promising that everything will be alright, that I could make it alright. But I can't. And I never will have that power. I just have to try and make it to the end of the latest fog and pray that it does clear. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I just have to hold my head high. I just have to continue to pray to the higher being. I just have to keep believing that HE will answer my prayers. And on days like today, it's okay if I lose my ability to do all of these things and lay in my bed in the fetal position and cry my heart out and grieve for that little boy that I miss so much. And hope and pray, that this too shall pass. Even though the feeling to scream and get mad at HIM for placing this burden on me and my son is overwhelming. This too shall pass... Please God let it pass.

just when you think you've seen it all...

I'm all for equal rights among the genders. I think women can do anything a man can do, and of course be paid the same for any job. But I guess I've been guilty of reverse discrimination when it comes to men doing the same things women do...

Tonight at the high school football game, on the other team there was ONE male cheerleader. Okay, not too out of the norm, have seen this before, especially on the college level. But then there was ONE boy on the drill team. You know the high kicking, dance group that performs at half time? A little strange, but probably the best high kicker on the squad, but when they ended the routine with the entire line going down into the splits? Weird and painful to watch. Still yet, they had ONE male on the flag corp with the band. You know the girls kind of like the old day baton twirlers but they now do routines with flags and such, throwing them in the air and catching them? Now that was definitely weird, and goes into the things I never thought I'd see category.

Most impressive were his fellow flag throwers, all female, wearing their sparkly HALTER tops, all wearing bras. With their bra straps showing! With halter tops! I guess they don't sell strapless bras in that town? My favorite though was the variety of colors of the bra straps, from the traditional white and clear straight to the black ones and a pink one and to top it off a purple one!

Just when you think you've seen it all...

It's Here!

It's Here! It's Here! It's Here!

Season Premiere of THE BIGGESST LOSER starts TONIGHT!

Happy Dance, Happy Dance, Happy Dance.

Even though this day sucked....

Shhh... I have a secret

I'm pretty certain that most of you are aware that I can easily be classified as a strange bird. I know, it's true, and it won't hurt my feelings if you admit it...

Many, many years ago when I was a wee child, my mother got me addicted to, uh, well, um, soap operas. A little embarrassing to admit but yes, no matter how professional I may appear in the workforce, nor how sophisticated and divaish I appear in social situations, in the privacy of my bedroom, in the safety of my home - I am addicted to soap operas.

Not so addicted that I have to watch them every single day of my life, but addicted enough to record them every day and read the synopsis of the episode before deleting it. I'm also addicted enough to read the weekly update in the newspaper and if nobody I know is around to see, I might pick up the Soap Update at the grocery store checkout and sneak it into my purchases. How sad is that?

I have such fond memories of watching soap operas with my mom. There was nothing more special than having a sick day from school and being able to lay on the couch with my sprite and crackers, snuggled up with a blanket and pillow sharing the daily soaps with my mom. It was a bonding experience like no other. Summer vacation days were scheduled around the daily soap schedule so I could catch up on everything I missed during the school year. My senior year of high school when we were allowed to leave campus for lunch was spent at my bff's house drinking sweet tea, smoking cigs and watching our favorite soap before hustling back to the real world of school.

The greatest thing about soap operas is that you really don't have to watch it every single day to 'know' what's going on. Occasionally some new character might show up that you're not quite sure where they came from, but all I had to do was call my mom and she'd fill me in and instantly I was caught up.

Everyone has their own 'favorite' soap opera and there are a few people in the world besides my mom that I share this secret obsession with so it's always fun when I get to talk about my soaps with another human being instead of keeping my addiction inside the closet. Since I'm spilling my guts now, my favorites have always been (in no particular order and always varying in ranking) The Young and the Restless, The Bold and the Beautiful, As the World Turns and Guiding Light.

Back in June I heard that they were planning on taking the Guiding Light off the air after some 50 or so years of production. I was stunned! This was the one soap that my mom and I shared a passion for. Still to this day I can go to my mom's house and we can watch a recorded episode and talk for hours about the lives of our favorite characters. How sick is that? Still I found it sad that I was going to be losing this part of my history.

I never have time to watch my soaps much anymore and even though I record them daily, I usually erase them at the end of the week after reading the highlights. Since June I have been keeping all of the episodes of the Guiding Light because I thought one day I might like to go back and watch them so I could see how it all came to an end. Last week we were having some cable issues and when the tech dude came out he told me that the box was going out and we needed a new one and unfortunately I was going to lose everything that we had recorded to the DVR. I almost died! But none the less, I soon got over it but vowed to start watching my Guiding Light episodes just in case something else happened and I lost them too.

Friday afternoon, after an extremely long and tiring week, instead of going to get my nails done or a pedicure, which I desperately needed. Instead of taking a long afternoon nap, which I desperately was coveting. I sat down and watched a week and a half worth of Guiding Light episodes. As I sat on my couch for 5 solid hours, I cried and I cried and I cried. I then called my mom and cried with her about all the story lines and how I could 'feel' them coming to an end. I know that sounds really hokey and probably a little psychotic, but the Spauldings and the Lewis' and the Coopers and all the other great characters that I had grown up with had become not only my friends but my family.

I hardly know what the world will be like without Josh and Reva, Philip and Beth, the Bauers and all the other great characters on this show. It's like a death in the family and even though this show has gotten pretty hokey in the last couple of years, okay it's always been hokey, I will miss it and I will miss all of them. Farewell Guiding Light family, thanks for being part of my like for the past 46 years!

And shhh... all of you need to keep my secret!

WTF is up with that?

Just when you thought you finally figured me out and you thought I was going to get on my soapbox this evening and nag about health care reform and the Prez' speech tonight, (didn't you?) I throw a curve ball and today I'm just going to be totally random... wtf is up with that?

I would like to send out (and request please) some thoughts and prayers for my niece. She left today for a tour of duty in Iraq. Not only does this make me extremely sad, but I am frightened for her. I know she will be okay, I know that she will be fine. I know that she knows I love her because I made sure to tell her at least a million times in the past month, mostly in the last week, at least half of those last night. And this morning. Okay will stop that now because the tears are flowing... wtf is up with that?

I have two birthday boy's this month, C1 turns 26 and C3 turns 16. What to do, what to do? I don't have a clue what I am supposed to do or what I am supposed to get either one of them. Maybe I'm birthday'd out? wtf is up with that?

C1 and M are planning on cohabiting beginning the first of the month. I'm not sure if I'm getting old or menopause has taken over my soul but I really don't have any feelings about this, one way or the other. Hell I don't even care if my Mom finds out, wtf is up with that?

One of my stupid cats in currently in my room and won't leave. I don't like animals in my bedroom. Each time she comes out from under the bed and C3 or I try to pick her up and take her out to the garage (her official home), she swats at us and runs back under the bed. I probably wouldn't care so much except she won't quit meowing, wtf is up with that?

I am watching a double header recording of the Duggars' 18 and counting. I honestly think these people are strange, having that many children is just not normal, wtf is up with that?

I went to the doctor today because of some recent stomach issues. Maybe this is TMI but I'm on Day 12 of stomach rot and explosion. Serious explosion issues. Since I refused to join in the festivities of specimen collection, we are going on the assumption that perhaps I have a parasite or intestinal infection and I'm on medication. Anyhoo, I've been a little testy since I fully expected to have lost a gazillion pounds due to the issues, yet my scale at home shows that I have not lost any weight, at all, not one friggin OUNCE, in the past two weeks. Every day same weight, no matter how I stand on that scale. But today at the doc's office, their scale showed I had lost almost 10 pounds since my last visit... wtf is up with that?

Even though I have rotting gut, I really needed a chocolate fix so I just ate a Dove dark chocolate. Yes it tasted really good and yes my stomach is not pleased with me. My message for today - "Start a good habit today" - wtf is up with that?

Can we do this three day weekend every week?

I really could get used to having a three day weekend every week, well only if Hubby only got a two day weekend...

Saturday, with no direct intention, I stayed in my pajamas ALL.DAY.LONG. It was heaven! Actually didn't even realize I was in my pajamas until Hubby came home from work at 2:30 and caught me playing Wii, in my pajamas! Slept in until about 9:00, sat on the deck and read the newspaper and drank a pot of coffee, C3 challenged me to a Wii bowling/golf tournament (I won), he got pissy and went to sulk, so I kept playing and Hubby showed up. Oops. Then I decided that since I was still in my pajamas, what would be better than a nap? Woke up around 6 pm and sent Hubby out to rustle up some dinner. What a wonderful day!

Sunday got up around 8:00, read the paper on the deck and drank a pot of coffee, went to church, came home and took a short nap. C3 decided that he wanted to go to the zoo, so off we went! We hadn't been to the zoo since he was really small, probably before he started school! They have done tons of work at the zoo and it was actually a really good time and of course we forgot the camera!

Today, I had to play catch up for my two lazy days and did a week's worth of laundry and went to the grocery store, made fried chicken for dinner and took a long walk with Hubby to work that off. Now I'm just relaxing and looking forward to a short work week. Well not really looking forward to work, but at least I'm relaxed enough to handle it!

Hope your weekend was great too!

Dead Creatures and Varmints

Back in the day raising three boys it took a LOT to freak me out and get the heebie jeebies. For some reason the older I get the easier it is to freak me out.

Things that freak me out to the point of dry heaves and possibly hurling:

1. Rodents and varmints, including but not limited to mice, rats, chipmunks, squirrels, opossums, raccoons
2. Flying bugs, including but not limited to flies, mosquitos, bees, wasps, dragon flies
3. Blood, including but not limited to fresh blood but pictures of blood
4. Open wounds, including but not limited to bloody open wounds
5. Smells, including but not limited to body odor, dog crap, dead animals

Monday when I came home from work there was a 'smell' as soon as I came in the house. My first thought was now that C3 is back in school the trash does not get taken out on a daily basis and that was were the stench was coming from. Empty the trash, sprayed the trash can down with Lysol, lit some candles and went on with my business.

Tuesday when I came home from work there was a more potent 'smell', actually it smelled kind of like someone had just cooked Brussels sprouts. My first thought was that since I am have been severely slacking on the cooking and shopping department that there must be some rotting food in the fridge. There was, so I cleaned that out and scrubbed it down and took the trash out, lit some candles, sprayed some Lysol and went on with my business.

Today when I got home from work there was a 'stench' a very indescribable stench. Hubby had already lit all the candles and sprayed the Lysol but it had not made a dent in the stench. My first through was that the toilets had overrun and possibly backed up into the tub. Hubby's first thought was that the line in the kitchen was backed up. I checked that and it was clear, toilets were fine, nothing in the tub and Hubby said it smelled like really strong mildew or mold. His thought was to check the laundry room to see if the washer had been leaking, which it had not. I do not know why,maybe a calling from God, but for some reason I was compelled to open the closet that hosts the air conditioner and heater unit.

It didn't take me long, kind of like a split nano second, to slam the door while excreting a blood curdling scream that would not stop nor be controlled as I ran around the house alternating screeching and screaming, violently shaking and only stopping for the dry heaves. My reaction freaked Hubby out so bad that he was afraid to open the door and all he kept doing was chasing me around the house, shouting "What, WHAT, WTF is WRONG WITH YOU?"

It took several long minutes, but between the drive heaves, I managed to blurt out "Dead, Dead, Dead!" This only freaked Hubby out more and from my reaction he was thinking I saw a decapitated head or something and was too scared to look in the closet. When I finally made it outside to the back yard and I finally stopped dry heaving and hyperventilating by placing my head between my knees, I screeched "DEAD OPOSSUM IN THE CLOSET!"

Hubby thinking that by my reaction that it must be a big ass frickin opossum, geared himself up like he was going into a nuclear reactor plant and headed to the closet. I can't actually tell you what happened from that point until he came back outside to tell me he took care of it because I was busy doing the labor breathing outside in order to not hurl all over the deck, but his explanation that it was a 'tiny, baby opossum' that must have crawled through a crack into the attack and fell to his death from the vent in that closet, didn't ease the hurling reflex, nope they got worse. Bad enough that we had to leave the house for a couple of hours until I was brave enough to come home.

Even as I sit here typing this, the hurl reflex is in full force. What if I fall asleep and some crazy ass Momma Opossum decides to find her way into my house and kill me in my sleep for allowing her baby to die? I may never be able to sleep again. I know I will never be able to eat again, the hurl thing is to strong. AND I will NEVER in my life open that closet door again, E.V.E.R!

Conversations with Da boys

C1...

Phone Message from C1 - "Mom, I need you to call me as soon as you can, I really need to talk to you about something serious."

My initial thought:

 

Reluctantly I call him back....

Me:  "What's wrong?"

C1:  "I really need to talk to you about something serious."

Me:  "Well just spit it out."

C1:  "Well you know M and I are talking about moving in together, and I wanted to know how you feel about that?"

Me:  "Son you're 26 years old, an adult making your own way, I don't think my opinion really counts."

C1:  "But I want to know what you and Dad think about her?  About us?"

Me: "We like her just fine, she's a sweet girl, but it's not us that will be living with her."

C1  "I really think that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.  We've talked about a future together."

Me: "Uh, um, uh, I think that's wonderful for you."

C1:  "I love her Mom, I bet you never thought you'd hear me say that."

Me: "Actually, no I never did.  I tell people all the time I will never have a daughter in law or grandchildren.  I've kind of came to terms with that."

C1: "She wants kids, a couple of them at least.  But am I too young to feel this way?"

Me: "You aren't too young to feel this way, but you are too young to start having babies.  You should wait AT LEAST 4 years."

C1: "I agree, but why 4 years?"

Me: "Obviously you forgot what I told you many years ago.  You make me a grandmother before I'm 50, I'll have to whack it off!"

C1:  "GAWD MOM!  I tell you I'm in love for the first time ever and you threaten to whack it off?"

Me: "There are rules son.  You KNOW the Diva rules.  These rules can't be broken..."

C1:  "I was expecting something more like, congratulations."

Me: "Did aliens take over your brain child?  This is your mother you're talking to."

C2...

Text message to Hubby:  "Wow Dad, today was the greatest day ever!  It reminded me why I love this job and working with you!  Love you Man!"

Text from Kat to C2:  "Wow, I don't ever get such loving texts from you?"

Text from C2 to Kat:  "Who is this?"

Hmmm...

C3...

Upon getting in the car after football practice...

C3:  "Mom, I've decided what I want to do.  I'm moving to California!"

Me:  "Hmmm... Don't let the doorknob hit you in the ass on your way out."

C3:  "GAWD Mom, not today!  When you cut me off the payroll..."

Me:  "That could be accomplished sooner than you think..."