And here we go again...

Well I think that C3 broke the record of all three of my boys with lightening speed!  Exactly nine days into being a licensed driver he rear-ended another car at a red light.  Nine whole days, gawd!

Thankfully nobody was injured except for some pride.  Wasn't even really much damage to our car and I'm 99.9% positive the damage to the other car was there previously, however with our luck they will be permanently disabled and sue us for millions...

The new "project remodel" begins on Wednesday and I've been informed that it will probably take about three weeks, MINIMUM!  I spent  today cleaning out two of my storage closets that I will lose and combining them into one which I had to rearrange to fit the stuff from the other two.  Not easy my friends, not easy at all.  I've also learned that while this destruction, I mean construction, is underway the three rooms that will be effected will have a temporary wall built around them and we will not be able to use them.  Since this is the kitchen, my office AND the living room, it appears we will be living in the bedrooms for the next month or so.  Hmmmm...  Good news is that I won't be able to cook for a month and the bad news is that we will be living in the bedrooms for the next month, together. 

Just about completion time of this project, C3 and I will be leaving for our annual vacation.  I couldn't have planned that better!  We were planning on heading back to Destin and it's beautiful beaches again this year but due to the oil spill I was afraid to make that commitment.  Instead, after much cajoling by sweet Connie, we are heading to West Palm Beach/Ft Lauderdale for a week of glorious beach time.  And better than that, I will finally get to meet Connie and her lovely family!  I can hardly wait!  Hopefully I can make it until then without murdering Hubby or C3...

Hope everyone has a great Memorial Day, take a moment and remember those that have served our country.

 

It was not meant to be...

So C2 and the girl (whom I've decided will no longer be called the porn star, because, well I kind of like her, so she will be M2) made the decision that it was not the right time for them to start a family.

Of course this was after the first decision that they were going to have the baby and I actually got really excited about that despite my initial reaction of nothing.  And I was REALLY excited and bursting at the seams waiting to share the news.  But then for some reason they changed their minds.  Which is okay, and I stand behind their decision, because I love them and want them to be happy.

What I wasn't prepared for was the overwhelming grief that I would feel and still feel.  My heart hurts, an actual pain in my heart.  I'm sad and I don't know if I have the right to be so heartbroken, but I am.  I almost wish that C2 hadn't shared any of it with me because ignorance is bliss and instead of going on my merry way and being blissful, I'm distraught.  I haven't been able to share my feelings of despair with anyone, so I am sharing it with you, hoping to make myself feel better.  But it's not making me feel better.

I guess becoming a grandmother was not meant to be, at least for now, and hopefully soon I will shake this feeling of sadness.  Maybe someday I will quit thinking about what it would have been like, how much I would have enjoyed it, how much I would have loved her/him and I'll be happy once again. 

 

Just when I thought life was easy...

My sweet baby has had two very exciting days in a row this week! Yesterday, we ventured to the local DPS at 7:15 AM so that he could take his driving test and get his drivers license. For the past couple of months I've been telling myself that I couldn't wait for this moment. My days of being the chauffeur and staying up late to pick him up were over. In reality, I'm sick to my stomach!

The trip to the DPS was relatively uneventful, except for the fact that we arrived at 7:15 AM and didn't leave until 10:00 AM! Seriously, why would they just have O.N.E. trooper that gives driving tests? The day before Hubby took him after school and after waiting an hour in line they were told (AFTER they did the paperwork AND paid the money) that the don't give driving tests after 3:00 PM. I'm pretty sure that most 16 year old kids don't get out of school that early, but okay?

He thankfully passed on his first try (I had some serious doubts about this) and acted like a toddler in a candy store. I am proud to say that he actually hugged me right there in the middle of the DPS and didn't care who saw. I however was near the vomiting stage from the stress and told him to go get in line and get it over with. He insisted that I stand there with him and although I wanted to run outside and secretly shed tears, I was the dutiful mother and listened to his giddiness. At one point, he even put his arm around me and laid his head on my shoulder and thanked me for being his Mom - ahhh...

He wasn't exactly thrilled when we walked to the car and I told him to give me the keys because I was driving... but he was already 2 hours late for school and we needed to book it. He asked if I was going to go to the house so I could get my car and he could drive to school to which I replied, "Not today Son." Surprisingly he took that very well.

He had to work yesterday at 4:30 and after a long conversation with his father, we decided to let him drive. Hubby pointed out that it was less than two miles straight down the road and I had to relent. That 10 minutes between the time he called me telling me he was leaving and the time he arrived at his destination were the longest 10 minutes of my life! My anxiety level was so high that I actually gave myself a migraine! But alas, he arrived alive and made it back home safely again.

Today he had to go to work yet again and I unfortunately was stuck in a meeting when he called to tell me he was leaving. I have trained him well however because I was greeted by two voice mails when I got back to my office. Both exactly 10 minutes apart, he had left and he had arrived. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that he stays this good!

Upon arriving home a few minutes ago he was once again giddy and jumping with excitement. He had received his very FIRST paycheck! A whopping $14.78 and you would have thought he was a millionaire!

Last week we he accompanied me to the bank he asked if he could get a bank account when he started getting paid. I told him absolutely, we would set up two accounts because he needed a savings account (little does he know he already has one of those) and told him that he had to save 25-50% of each paycheck and the rest would be his spending money. He asked me how much I put into savings each week and I did what all good mother's do, I lied and told him that I did 25%. He agreed this was a great plan. Ahhh...

So as he was jumping around waving his paycheck around I asked him how much of that $14.78 would be going into savings? His response, "Uh, $7.00?" I thank God everyday that he is a sweet and good looking child, because a math wiz he is not...

To my sweet baby, C1, although it's killing me that you are growing up I am thankful for every single day I get to spend with you. I love you, you are the sweetest boy E.V.E.R!

And So It Begins... AGAIN...

Addictions are a serious issue and can cause a lifetime of pain to those that love you.  There are many different addictions that people suffer from whether it is drugs or alcohol, smoking, sex, gambling or perhaps even hoarding.  Overcoming and seeking help for one's addiction to whatever succumbs them is often a long and hard battle for the addicted person and those around them.  Sadly, some people just can't be helped, no matter how hard they want to stop or try to stop.

My husband has an addiction and I think he needs serious help.  No matter what I try to do to stop the addiction, no matter how much money is spent, it appears that our life is entangled on this perpetual roller coaster.

So once again, we travel down the path of ...home remodeling...  When will it be enough I ask?  Just when I get to the point of feeling complete and done there is another project.  Another project that destroys the previous projects that were just done!  WHY??????

It has only been a few years since we re-did the living room/office, den and kitchen with new flooring, paint, appliances,furniture, etc.  NOW, he wants to knock down the walls between these three rooms and make it one big happy room!  All THREE rooms have different flooring, which means we will have to figure out how to make that gel.  The ceiling in the den and kitchen is different from the living room/office, that's a problem.  One of these walls houses the new double oven that has barely been used and there is no other WALL for this to move to which means that now I have to re-do the counter top and cabinets to make room for a drop-in range.  Let's not even mention the cabinet space that I am losing from the destruction of this wall!  We won't even discuss the dirt and dust and inconvenience construction people bring with them! 

What's next people?  When will this madness stop?  Someone please take me away...

 

To Be or Not To Be…

IS that the question?

Watching two of my soap opera's last night, Grey's and Private Practice, left me emotional and teary eyed.  Okay, actually I was sobbing uncontrollably at the last one... The theme of both of these shows centered on finding or going after your 'true love' and doing what makes YOU happy.  Of course there was a lot of other stuff thrown in there to make me weep...

I lay down with my stuffy nose and headache after allowing myself my little nervous breakdown and was just on the cusp of falling asleep when I got one of those late night phone calls.  It's been a really long time since I had one of those and as always it startled me awake and left me with a racing heart.

It was C2 and when I learned that he was neither hurt nor needed bail, I started to calm down just a little bit but I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was sad and needed to talk.  I quietly got up and left my bed so I didn't wake or disturb Hubby and could talk to him for however long he needed.

He dropped a bombshell on me when he said, "Well today you would have been a grandmother."  WTH? What exactly does that mean?

It appears he and the porn star have actually been in the discussion stage of becoming grown ups and having a future together.  You know all that let's buy a house and live happily after ever stuff... Apparently they discovered yesterday that she was pregnant. Wow, hmmm... Before I could even let the shock/excitement take over however he told me that she wanted to have an abortion but he didn't want her to.

We had a long talk about this and I tried to talk to him about how she must be feeling and even though they weren't seeing eye-to-eye on the subject.  It sounded like he said all the right things and tried to do the right things but she was too upset to deal with it.  As I was giving my advice and trying to be the loving mother that I was supposed to be, it shocked me to discover that I had no feelings one way or the other.  I consider myself an emotional person that wears my feelings on my sleeves and I've always thought I was a caring person, most definitely a person with convictions that is never afraid to voice my opinion or my beliefs.  But last night, I had no feelings at all, none, zippo.

How could it be after sobbing for two hours while watching stupid TV that when my son drops a major bombshell on me that I feel nothing?  Shouldn't I have cared?  Do I care?  Still today, nothing.  He called me a little bit ago and talked to me some more and again I tried to get him to see things from her point of view.  She's young, she's scared, having an abortion doesn't mean she doesn't love you she's just not ready to be a mother.  I was being calm and rational, I'm not a calm and rational person.

For the record, I don't believe in abortion.  That is my conviction but I don't hold this conviction on to anyone else, I believe that everyone has a choice.  I would not and have not held it against anyone that has made this decision in their life.  So what's wrong with me?  With a decision like this looming over my head, why do I not feel anything?  Is something wrong with me?

Lost - You've Lost Me...

I am admittedly a TV junkie... My DVR is so full right now and I can never find the time to catch up on all my shows. Since I was a 'Lost' devotee from the very beginning and never missed a single episode, I have purposely made time each week this season to watch it. This is the final season after all...

What started out as a really good soap opera (that's what Hubby calls my shows) has turned into a complete - WTF? Seriously! If I could wring the writers/directors/whoeverthehellisincharge's neck, I would.

I know, I know, we are suppose to be "LOST" but really? You told me you would give me answers. You haven't given me any answers, you've given me more shit that makes no sense and you've ruined the whole thing. You really have. I don't like you very much right now. I'll keep watching just to see if you really are going to answer all the questions, but honestly, 'Lost' - you've lost me...

So how goes it?

Did you know it is the middle of May?  Damn time flies!

I wish I could tell you that my life has been so extremely interesting and exciting that I've been too busy to blog, but I'd be lying.  I can tell you that Health Care Reform will soon be the death of me, can almost guarantee that one...

So to catch up, hmmm... well let's see... Let's not go back too far because that hurts my head...

C1 - still living with M, guess this might be the one?  'Tis okay, I like her more than I like him.  He's getting ready to start on his third gym, somewhere in Oklahoma. 

C2 - still living in Dallas but wanting to move out of the city - yeah!  Has a girl, oh yeah, remember the "Porn Star", well it's her and I think they might be getting a little serious, but this is C2 and tomorrow's another day.  Still working for his dad but just re-took the real estate test to get his license back.

C3 - well now, that's an interesting story...  let me see, first, he broke his pelvis about a month or so ago running track, he's healing and will be fine.  He decided to quit football, which broke my heart.  He's dating a skank.  And he's completed all his classes and will be an official lifeguard this weekend, and oh yeah, he gets his drivers license next week - SHIT!

Had a really great Mother's Day with all three of the boys showing up and bringing PRESENTS - gotta love the girlfriends for at least that.  Hubby WAS going to make me this great Salmon dinner but the recipe proved to be too much for him to handle, so I made my own dinner and it only took 3 hours.  They said it was good, don't know was too tired to eat it.

I got a promotion at work, not that it matters at this point since we are talking lay-offs and I'm trying to protect as many as I can.  Thank you Congress and Mr. Prez, you are adding thousands to the 'line' any day now...

But alas, I will worry about that another day, today I'm penning my blog and looking for a vacation destination.  Just wish I knew where that dang oil spill was headed?

I've been quietly visiting all of you and trying to catch up.  It's pretty dang hard to read 5 months worth of blog entries!  Did ya miss me?