Just a few shots of our little vacation...

   

and on the fifth day, there was vacation...

I do not believe that I have had a week as rough as this one in a really long time. TG it's over and the annual vacation has begun!

C3, C2 and I leave at the ass crack of dawn Sunday morning to our fabulous vacation destination - Destin, Forida! Whoo Hoo!

Found me a killer deal on a whole package and we will be staying in a nice 2 bedroom condo overlooking the canal and golf course, with 5, did you hear me FIVE, swimming pools and the lovely white sand PRIVATE beach. Can we get another WHOO HOO?

Yes there has already been a few requests of pictures of C2 shirtless, I'll see what I can do for you lecherous women... But sun, relaxation and hopefully not as much dang heat as we've had around here, is the only thing on the agenda. Can. Not. Wait.

Four days in a row the thermometer in my car has hit a triple digit mark - like 111 on Tuesday, 107 on Wednesday, 109 on Thursday and 110 today at 6:00 PM - gotta get out of this hell hole for awhile...

I'm sure I'll keep you posted...

Um.....

Life is not cooperating today....

Can we talk about panties again?

I am considering appearing before Congress to demand regulation of the panty industry.  I mean come on, we have bail-outs and committees for all other kinds of crap, why not this?  Looking for some support here, anyone want to join this grassroots campaign?

I know that one's panties are a personal issue and they come in every style, design and material imaginable.  Let's see, we have bikinis, boy shorts, briefs, hi-cut, low-cut, mid-cut, hipsters, french-cut or thongs.  There are no-ride up, seamless, firm control, tummy control, thigh control and wedgie free.  They come in pretty, delicate, lacy, satin, cotton, stretch cotton, nylon and many more textures, too many to name actually.  Whatever your choice is, that's your decision and you should relish in your choice. 

Here's my problem - when it comes to the actual SIZE of the panty all common sense is lost.  I'm personally tired of buying panties that don't fit, anyone with me?  Let's face it, this garment is NOT one that you can go into the dressing room and try on.  There is no guarantee that the size you guess to be your's is going to fit.  There is no guarantee that the one you choose is going to be comfortable.  How many of you have bought panties that were too big, too little, rode-up your ass, did not control your tummy, thigh or anything else?  Had them roll down you stomach to accentuate your muffin top when in fact you were trying to hide your muffin top?  Cut off circulation in your thigh or stomach?  Or they were just too damn uncomfortable to ever wear again?

It's not like you can WEAR them and then take them back and say "Excuse me, these rode up my ass all day and I just can't wear them."  NO, you are stuck with a drawer full of panties that you refuse to wear yet you can't throw them away because you spent so much damn money on them!  This isn't the sort of garment you can throw in the Goodwill bag either, now is it?  Am I RIGHT?

So what is up with the sizing of panties?  They have size 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 - NONE of which actually coordinates with the ACTUAL size of clothing that you wear.  If you wear a size 10 in clothes and bought a size 10 in panties, you could literally fill those puppies up with water and take a swim.  WTF?

Then there is S, M, L and XL.  Common sense would tell a person that wears a size 10 that they would wear size M in panties.  Nope, not if you want to have actual blood flow to your lower extremities.  WTH?

Why can't they just size them the same way they size clothes?  Can I get an AMEN?

Please sign my petition quickly so I can book my flight to DC...

In My Humble Opinion…

As many of you did last night, I watched Jon & Kate plus Eight and learned what we all have been expecting, they are divorcing. There has been an over-abundance of media attention to this family as of late, and like many of you, I was a bit tired and skeptical of the whole mess. But watching last night all I could feel was deep sorrow for Kate.

Many people say that she is a bitch and is stuck in the glory of her own fame as well as exploiting her children. I admittedly thought those things too, but watching her in her pain last night, I suddenly turned. Yes, she is a domineering woman with a take charge attitude but how many of us have lived in the role as a mother of eight children? Someone had to step up and take charge or there would be total chaos.

Being raised in a large family with seven children, I know for a fact that getting nine people out of the front door for any outing, whether it be grocery shopping, going to church or a family trip, it takes tons of organization. All of that organization needs leadership thank goodness Kate Gosselin had/has the maturity to step up to the plate. Quite obviously her spouse did not. Strangely, if she were a man nobody would be calling her a bitch it would be the exact opposite, she would be a great father AND a smart businessman, and that my friend is not only wrong but sad.

I had a hard time feeling any sympathy for a man that not only cheated on his wife, which he denies, but come on the cameras caught him, but decided to ride the coattails of his wife’s success and quit his job to stay home. Where are his balls? I don’t fall for his crap that someone had to stay home with the kids. I, like millions of other mothers, have always worked a full-time job while raising my children. Granted my children aren’t perfect but I don’t believe it was detrimental to their well-being to stay with babysitters or in daycare.

My husband traveled extensively during the upbringing of our children, sometimes being away from home for over a year with visits every other weekend. I still worked to help provide for my family, I didn’t quit my job to sit on my ass or to go skiing with my buddies in Utah. I went to work each morning after dropping my kids off at daycare or school and I came home every night and fed them, bathe them, spent quality time with them and put them to bed. Many a summer I would actually hire someone to come to my home so that my kids could enjoy being in their own space. Did any of this hurt my children?  Certainly not. I feel fortunate that my husband was a real man and worked even harder than I did to support my family.

Say what you will about Kate exploiting her children, what I see is a woman that was dealt a situation and used her intelligence to figure out how to support her large family. We all know that it costs a fortune to raise a child, or two children or three. Heaven knows what the cost would be to raise eight children and make sure that there was enough money to support them and send them to college. Quite obviously that wasn’t going to happen on Jon’s computer nerd salary. So Kate took the situation into her own hands and figured out how to make an empire with her family to give her children’s those blessings. Bravo to her.

Sickening to me, Jon shows no remorse for tearing his family apart. No matter how ‘hard’ it was to stay home with his children while his wife traveled making all that money to support the children, why didn’t he man up and figure out another way if it was too much for him to handle? Where are your balls Jon? The fact that he is acting like a victim in this situation makes me want to vomit. He is not a victim, poor Jon is a pussy that let his wife take control and now wants to whine about it. Let’s see how much he whines when she continues to build the empire for her and her eight children and he has to go get a J.O.B. Guess what Jon, that’s what real men do.

Sadly at the age of 32, Jon feels that his ‘new life’ will be exciting and an adventure. Yep, that’s what he said, he’s excited. Seriously, you’re excited that you are a cheater and abandoning your family. You are a pathetic loser, plain and simple. A real man, even at the age of 32, would have admitted his mistakes, BEGGED forgiveness from his wife and figured out a way to make it work for the sake of his children. After all that’s what he keeps claiming he’s doing this for, the sake of his children. He has no right to be mad at his wife for what she has done for this family, no right at all. At the age of 32 he should realize that he made his bed when he decided to act like the immature brat that he is and screw some 20-something year old.

I’m sure everyone has a different view or opinion on this. I’m sure that many of you don’t really give a rat’s ass, but I felt compelled to get my opinion off my chest. I will pray for Kate and her children and I will hope that without Jon her life is full of happiness and the true meaning of family. God Bless you Kate in your journey.

Well you didn’t ask, but here is 20 reasons why I am bitchy today. You'd better sit down, this might be a long one.

1) Went out to dinner Friday night and we had a horrible waiter and the restaurant (Chili’s) was dirty and the bathroom was disgusting which made me not want to eat my food. Ordered an appetizer which never came, “Oh forgot about that…” he said. NEVER got a refill on our drinks and I had to actually get up and go find the dude and beg for the check. Very small tip for him.

2) Hubby somehow hurt his knee and has been whining and complaining since Friday (STFU already, made him make his own appointment – go me – and he will be going to doc at 2:00 today) so I was driving home. It was dark, I do not see well in the dark, and nearing my exit there was a broke down car on the side of the road which I was carefully trying to avoid. Said car had a blowout and low and behold the tire was right in my lane and it was too late to do anything but hit it. At the VERY moment I saw it and cannot possibly do anything, Hubby screams “Watch out for the tire” – no shit Sherlock. To which I proceeded to retort – “Watch out for the tire? Could you have said something before I hit it?” To which he retorted “you’re such a bitch” – and it went down from there.

3) Said tire that I ran over proceeded to – guess, just guess – make me have a blowout. ARGHHH. Not really a blowout but it broke the stem on the tire and deflated the tire but I was so busy arguing with my stupid husband that I didn’t realize it until we were on our street. Fiasco.

4) Saturday morning Hubby got up to go get tire fixed which turned into a major ordeal because our Nissan dealership insists that you have an appointment to fix anything, so he took it to Discount Tire and they fixed it, FOR FREE.

5) Electrician that was supposed to come to our house on Saturday and run electricity to the deck, install ceiling fan, install our surround sound and mount the TV in the bedroom, all in one day, He completed only getting electricity wired to deck. Since this was BIL’s friend and he owed BIL $800, he was doing the whole job for; you guessed it, $800. We were to pay BIL, which we did, and now have tons of work left not completed. This does not make me a happy camper but doesn’t faze the Asshole Husband.

6) Asshole hubby was an Asshole all day on Saturday and was even rude to very pregnant SIL and dared to ask her how much she weighed – what an Asshole! Which btw she finally gave birth yesterday to my new godson (YES she asked ME to be the Godmother! too bad she also asked Asshole hubby to be the Godfather) at 12:59 pm.

7) At 6:00 pm Asshole hubby decides to start staining/waterproofing the deck and was making quite the ruckus about doing it. So after preparing dinner, I proceeded to go outside to help. He started on one end of the railing and I started on the other end. He proceeded to get one section (4 feet people) done and said he was done with that. I, in an effort to a) not be in the house with him and b) to show him up, proceeded to put on my iPod earphones and complete the entire railing BY MYSELF. Took me 4 hours but was mighty proud of myself.

8) Asshole hubby wakes me up at 6:30 AM yesterday morning by mowing the yard, I’m certain my neighbors hate him too.

9) Got up and dressed and planned to go to the cemetery before church to visit my Dad. Got a call from MIL who asked what was wrong with my mother because she didn’t look good at church and one of her friends told MIL that she wasn’t going to breakfast (something she does every Sunday and has for like 20 years, even went the Sunday after Dad died) because she didn’t feel good. Thank goodness for gossipers at church. Call my mother and she is crying (not something my mother does, ever) and told me she didn’t know what was wrong but she didn’t feel good and wanted to go back to the ER. Told me my sister was coming to take her but since I was out I went over there and she didn’t look good. Bitchy sister showed up and asked “are you taking her?” to which I told her no, I had to drive C3 to Denton (an hour drive) to football camp but keep me updated. She retorts that she really doesn’t want to sit up there alone. GAH. Call and wake little bro up and ask him to please go with.

10) Go to church, little bro keeps texting me to call him, and so I go to the restroom and call him and he tells that they are doing a spinal tap, trying to rule out meningitis and mother is hysterical. My mother does NOT get hysterical, so I begin to worry and get an upset stomach.

11) Get home from church, pack up C3s crap and ask Asshole hubby if he wants to go with me but he doesn’t understand why I don’t ask one of the ‘other parents’ to take him. Uh, this is my baby and he is not going to a 3 day camp in far city without me taking him and getting him settled. I don’t care how old he is. So I leave to drive him myself.

12) Got that taken care of and I am driving home about 4 pm when little bro texts me and says that they are sending mother home, don’t have a clue what is wrong with her but think she needs to go to a rheumatologist, WTFever that is. Text him back that I am driving back and will stop by the house.

13) Stopped and shopped because I needed the retail therapy, bad.

14) Decide to stop at the house and a) pee and b) cook dinner real quick because a) I need to pee and b) I’m hungry and c) I could take some to my mother. Bitchy sister calls and says “Where are you at? I thought you were coming over here. I haven’t eaten all day long and I’d like to leave.” I say, “I’m sorry I stopped at the house to pee and make dinner for mom, can she not be left alone?” to which she retorts “She’s sleeping and I can’t just leave while she is sleeping.” To which I respond “Well I left my keys over there this morning, please find somewhere to put them and I’ll be there as soon as I can and just wake her up and tell her you are leaving.” To which she retorts “THANKS KAT” and precedes TO FUCKING HANG UP ON ME! OH. NO. SHE. DIDN’T.

15) I turn off the grill and proceed to jump my happy ass into my car and speed over there while calling my little bro’s wife and cry and complain and bitch… She’s my sounding board, PTL for her.

16) Get to my mother’s house and march my happy ass in and tell my sister “OKAY Princess, you are off duty now, excuse me for taking SO LONG!” And she say’s “What’s wrong?” OH. NO. SHE. DIDN’T.

17) I proceed to tell her that “she has no right to hang up on me and that the last time I looked there were 5 other siblings that she could have called and I think I have been doing pretty much more than my share taking care of MY mother and if it was too much for her to handle, she could feel free to leave because I was there to continue doing it!” Then she wants to talk about it - and she “didn’t mean to upset me” and “she didn’t realize she hung up on me” and blah, blah, blah. I told her to kiss my ass and to please leave because I had NOTHING to say to her. And in the process woke up my mother – damn.

18) She left, I took care of my mother and had a nervous breakdown and cried like a baby (which btw typing this is making me do THAT again) and tell my mom that I was worried about her and Father’s Day sucks and they should abolish the holiday and I never got to go to the cemetery and now I feel horrible. She sent me home and told me she was fine and she’d make an appointment first thing in the morning. GAWD I’m a loser.

19) Went home and cried myself to sleep.

20) Got up this morning and took the car to the dealership because the “Tire Flat” light was still on even after having tire repaired. Them sonsofbitches, would not LOOK at my car because I did not have an appointment. Told them to kiss my ass and drove off. Went to Discount Tire and they checked all my tires and told me that sorry, it must be a computer glitch because the light won’t go off but my tires are fine and don’t worry about driving the car. Great, now I have to call them sonsofbitches and make an appointment...

Betcha, you’re glad you didn’t ask why I was bitchy today now, aren’t you?

I have a good one, but...

So I'm on a roll thing here with this blogging everyday and I don't want to choke on it like I do everything else and I have a couple of really good blogs on my mind, but...

Today has been a hell day and it is now 1:30 and we know what that means right?

It's the start of my weekend! Pedicure chair, here I come!

Buh Bye!

Love me a good bargain...

The past couple of years we have been very busy updating the inside of the house.  All of the new furniture came from Broyhill and there were a few pieces that we wanted, yet cost was an issue...

A month or so ago Hubby decided that he wanted to get an end table so off we went to the local Broyhill store.  It was closed and every time we drove by it was closed.  There was no signs and the store was full of furniture, curious?  This past Sunday we happened to drive by and there were huge signs saying the store was closing and no offer would be refused... but, they were closed?

Monday night we trekked over there yet again and discovered they were open, woo hoo!  Apparently the stores in our area are a franchise and they have filed bankruptcy so to our good fortune, everything in the store was on sale.  MAJOR sale!  We scored both coffee table and end table to complete our living room for HALF of the original price of just the coffee table!  See:

And the matching end table:

We also were given a great price on the dining room table that we have been coveting.  BUT, there's always a but, since they are selling all of the floor stuff only, the table only has four chairs.  Gotta have more than four chairs.  The hutch that goes with the dining room table also is a little bit out of the price range that I'm willing to cough up and I want a complete set not just one of the pieces.  Would be too hard to match the wood, etc...  So I am thinking about trekking over to the other store in another city to see if they have more chairs and trying to cut a better deal.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see...

Why I did NOT become a nurse...

Way back in the day when I grew up I wanted to be a nurse. I don't think the calling was to 'save lives' or 'heal people', I think the calling was really about the money.

Of course, after being accepted to nursing school and in the process of quitting my full time job, hubby accidentally fell three stories from a building and I became a non-paid nurse maid for about a year. Since I instantly became the sole bread winner and we had a mortgage, a couple of car notes and two kids, quitting was just not an option. So I postponed it and eventually continued to postpone it until it was too late and too much of a distant dream.

I do believe that the Good Lord was sending me a clear message. I was not to become a nurse, it was not the job for me. How do I know that this was the message? I've learned it by several million different ways.

I cannot stand the site of blood, it makes me want to vomit and then pass out - ditto needles. I'm not very compassionate with the sick and the lame, I wish to tell them to 'buck it up and get over it.'

This has been quite evident in the past couple of weeks dealing with the FIL's knee replacement surgery, the impending surgery of the MIL's hernia and today's favorite of all, the 'caregiver' to my mother before, during and after her colonoscopy.

Besides the fact that I had to get up at 4:30 am to pick her up and have her at the surgery center at 6:00 am. And besides the fact that I was actually having to answer questions for her while she completed her paperwork, like why it was necessary to sign her name and then print her name and how exactly she was the 'self' in the relationship to the person signing the form. Actually, that one didn't turn out well, because I said "That would be YOURself" in response to this question and that is exactly what she wrote in the blank - 'yourself' - arghh... and having to explain why all these 'unnecessary' forms were not stupid but important.

There were those things and the part that I was being forced to force her to awake after the surgery and to remember to breathe or they weren't going to let her go home. That and the fact that she kept asking me the same questions over and over and over and I tried to be patient and answer them over and over and over again until I finally just ignored her and she'd fall back asleep. Then there was the pleasure of seeing her completely BUTT naked and having to put her panties on as well as her other clothes. There were ALL of those things that were irritating me and I wasn't very compassionate.

But there was always the worry. The worry that she was really incoherent and babbling nonsense, not just a she's on drugs nonsense, but almost a dementia nonsense that floored me. Then once I got her home and discovered that she had turned the air off because it was 'so cold' yesterday. It was 102 degrees yesterday... and a mere 80 degrees in her house this morning. Also the state of her disarrayed house which is totally out of character since she has always been OCD about a clean house, was disturbing and yet there were tons of dirty dishes stacked in the sink, the counter was filthy and looked like it hadn't been wiped in a long time. The dog food that was scattered all around the kitchen floor, a pair of shoes in every room, the only food in the house was about 20 cans of green beans in the pantry with nothing in the fridge or freezer. These curious things just went on and on. It screamed "SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT HERE!"

But there was also the fact that even after I finally got her home and in bed, that she couldn't stay awake. ALL. DAY. LONG. Even though I left her alone, which made me physically ill to do, and even though I called the little brother and made him swear to check on her in the afternoon and take her some lunch and even though I called and woke her up two times in 3 hours to 'check' on her, it worried me and made me uneasy and made me realize that I was never cut out to be a nurse. God works in mysterious ways but this mystery has definitely been solved...

The Deck...

Came home yesterday and discovered that the deck was actually, finally, complete.  Just another one of those "1 week" jobs that only took 3 1/2 weeks...  Hubby sure knows how to pick em...  The very best thing about the new deck is that I can walk outside and not have three dogs instantly want to lick me, nose me, or jump on me - heaven...

 

So for your viewing pleasure, a pictorial...

Now don't get me wrong, I love my puppies, I really do, just wish they weren't so loving back sometimes...

Cuervo

Tequila

And Duke

I'm in a quandry...

It appears that some fellow blogee's have had their blogs hacked and their templates eaten... Mine seems okay, but after an exhaustive search I cannot find the website where I stole my cute little template.... Does anyone have any suggestions on where to find these????????

In other non-related news. Weekend was okay, yet tiring and I'm actually glad it's Monday. Well not really, but I'm pretending anyway...

Had a baby shower on Saturday for my sister-in-law and was pretty sure that the time I put on the invite was 1:00 pm-3:00 pm. Because I am the world's biggest procrastinator, I was at the grocery store Saturday at 10 am deciding what to SERVE at said shower. Rushed back to the homestead at 11ish and not only needed to shower and dress, but prepare all food just purchased.

Because I am good under pressure, I was able to get my diva on, prepare the food, clean the house (which I do not do anymore but the cleaning lady failed to show on Thursday, arghhh...) and was sitting waiting at 1:00 pm. And nobody was there, not even the mom-to-be? So I frantically began searching for a copy of the invite to see if a) I had gotten the day wrong or b) I had gotten the time wrong...

Of course I couldn't find it and was beginning to get frantic because of all the food that was sitting out. At 1:20 just when I thought I was going to just scream and call one of the other SIL's she drove up to the house. When I asked her what time I put on the invitation, she said 1:00 but when she drove up and no cars where there she thought she had the wrong date and her girls refused to get out of the car...

So then I called the mom-to-be and she was running late, and I gave her some slack because she is due on Thursday. After that the guests slowing started dragging in, with the last to arrive at 2:30 - HELLO!!!! Which part of 1:00 pm - 3:00 pm did these people not get????? I attribute this all to my in-laws total lack of being able to tell time and the cultural difference, but I shouldn't have to make excuses for them. Totally inconsiderate, the whole lot of them...

I have to pee

YOU: And why are you telling us this?

ME: Because I am trying to make a conscious effort to blog every day, at least every day during the week, until I reach 100 blog entries so I had to say something.

YOU: Why are you doing this?

ME: Who the fuck knows, but I gotta pee, so can I go now?

YOU: (Please fill in the blank)

Can I Quit This Job?

Feeling a bit on the "I'm so tired I could crawl up in the fetal position and die" side of life this week... I know that I am a very 'controlling' person, though I'd like to think of it more like a 'take-charge' kind of person, but when did I get elected to being in charge of everything?

Story A
The FIL had knee replacement surgery last Thursday. I am married to the only son of 6 children. Not sure how that makes me 'in charge' of all things related to his family but I guess since his sisters are either big wusses or bitches, that leaves me, right? So besides ME and the MIL, who else sat in the waiting room during surgery? That would be my husband and his little brother. His little brother is really his nephew, and if you have followed me for a long time you would know that my husband's oldest sister, whom I don't even recognize as a human being, thus she definitely falls into the bitch category, but has no given name, abandoned her son at the age of 2 to be raised by his grandparents because her then fiance refused to allow that half 'rican live in his house. Nice, right? He's now 34 and for all purposes related to me and my family, the little brother.

So you might ask, where were all those sisters? Um, busy? Nevertheless, I took good care of my MIL and FIL that entire day even if I was there from 6 am until 7pm. The following day we had planned on leaving town to attend a football camp with C3, and we did although it was cut from a weekend away to a 17 hour round trip ride to Austin and back because... Because the sisters could not handle the responsibility of the in-laws for one day! Before we were an hour out of town the calls started coming and they all expected me to snap my fingers and make miracles happen. I was supposed to determine, by 5:00 pm, which of four rehab facilities that my FIL would go to from the hospital. Didn't matter that I was going to be more than 4 hours from the homestead. I was also called to clean up the mess that the sister with no name caused when after all these years she decided to rear her little head and decide that she was 'concerned' about her father. Yes, after not being able to reach my MIL by cell phone or in the hospital room (she had gone home to shower and eat) sister with no name called the hospital and demanded to speak to the head nurse about her father's care... After cursing and berating the head nurse about this care (which I'm not sure she can determine since her happy ass hadn't BEEN to the actual hospital), she then left a cursing and berating message for my MIL on her cell phone and instructed her that she was not allowed to EVER leave his side AGAIN and if she did, she was to call sister with no name and inform her of her reason to leave and whereabouts. Of course this started a whole course of sobs and complaints from Wuss 1 and Wuss 2, and they needed me to handle it. Hmmm...

So bright and early Saturday morning, I took a big batch of donuts and sausage rolls with me to the hospital to do some major ass kissing with the nurses and make sure they did not smother my FIL in his sleep. Then came Sunday when Bitch One and Bitch Two reared their little heads and told the MIL that they did not want their father going to a 'nursing home' that they felt he should be attended to at home. Yes, great advice from two women that were 'too busy' to take the time to come wait during surgery. Let's not even take into consideration that the MIL is nearing 80 and has a hernia that is scheduled to be operated on next month. And did these two plan on volunteering their services to attend FIL's needs? Uh, no, they have to work. More phone calls and more sobs from Wuss 1 and Wuss 2... So off again I go to the hospital bright and early Sunday morning to lay the law down to my MIL and FIL because of the fear that the idiot sisters, Bitch One and Bitch Two, put into their heads about 'nursing homes'. GAH!

Thankfully he is currently rehabbing quite nicely at the rehab center of MY choice and we hope to have him up and at 'em and home in a week...

Story B
We had some severe storms roll in last night and even a tornado or two. As I was watching the news I noticed that a possible tornado had been spotted and was heading directly toward the little town that C1 lives and has his gym. Knowing that he pays no attention to such, I called him but had to leave a message because, well because HE NEVER answers my calls. He's busy you know...

About 45 minutes later, I receive a frantic phone call from C1 because the tornado sirens are blaring and the wind is blowing 80 mph and the rain is seeping through the glass wall (that would be the entire front wall of his gym) and flooding the gym. He is panicked and asks me what to do? Uh, seek cover? I asked him if anyone was in the gym and of course being right after work it was packed, so I told him to get everyone into the interior restrooms and ride it out. He immediately starts shouting the orders before we lost connection. Yep, picture that, Mr. Big Bad Ass Business Owner calling his mommy and asking her what to do in an emergency? Priceless.

Story C
After the bad storms last night, we were still having some bitchin weather this morning. About 10 am, I received a text from the BIL (see above) which said, "Hey! Can you call me? Nothing wrong." Assuming that it had to do with either the MIL or FIL or possibly the sister with no name (which btw they do not speak and she has never been involved in his life) I immediately called him back. Here's his story - His wife, S, went into labor about 2 am, after going to the hospital at 7 am they decided to send her home because she had only dilated to a 2. Their house didn't have any electricity (tens of thousands of people still don't) but he left her there with their 5 year old son and was going to work. Could I call and check on her? WTF? STOP! Because of the horrid reception and the storm it actually took three or four phone calls to get that much out of him. So then I berated him for being an idiot.

First, they live 30-45 minutes away from the hospital IF the moon is aligned correctly. Second, they had NO ELECTRICITY. Third, he was heading to work which was 45 minutes in the OPPOSITE direction, in a STORM, so it could possibly take him 2 or more hours to get from work to get her and then to the hospital. What was he thinking? I immediately call S to inform her that I would come pick her up and take her to my house, which has electricity AND air conditioning, which is only 5 minutes from the hospital. She doesn't answer. Not the house phone or the cell phone. I then panic. What if she falls asleep and goes into real hard labor and dilates to a 9 before anyone can get there? Huh? Then what happens if I get there during this process and she has the baby in my car? Huh? Not in MY car!

Needless to say, she finally called me back, the contractions are still 5 minutes apart and she says she is fine. Oh, and the electricity came back on. Oh, and I guess I have to now cancel the shower I am throwing for her on Saturday... Apparently now I am not only in charge of the elderly and the lame, I am also in charge of the newborns - GAH!

Can I quit this job?

Excuse Me, May I Take a Moment to Bitch?

One of the many downfalls on being a menopausal woman is that you magically grow an increased waist size and large ass in addition to packing on some extra tonnage. In the past year due to this downfall, I have packed on roughly, give or take a few, um, 20ish pounds. (This is my story and I'm sticking to it so shut up!)

Due to this extra, um, poundage, I have discovered that my shorts no longer want to encompass my large ass. Now I don't actually want to go out and purchase a whole new wardrobe because I do have hopes that through a little voodoo and some fairy dust I will be able to stop this widening process and perhaps even shrink it. However...

However, living in the glorious hell hole we call Texas, it is not a luxury to wear shorts, it is a downright necessity. Just this morning driving to work we had a cool temperature of 81 degrees which actually might be considered hotter than hell in your part of the country, but it is a typical morning low in hell. By the time I get off work today it will probably be a mere 98 degrees, thus the necessity of putting on a cool pair of shorts in order not to immediately die from heat stroke should I walk out my front door.

Normally I wouldn't step out my front door in the evening during this time of the year but my precious baby, C3, has signed up for summer football which is played two evenings per week at the not so coolest hour of the day. Nope, not high noon, when it is not probable but maybe possible to still breathe in the heat, but at 5:00 sharp the hottest portion of the entire day.

This is where I start to bitch (NO, I have not started yet!)... In my quest to find ONE, maybe TWO pairs of enlarged shorts I have discovered that they no longer make normal shorts. As in normal I mean, normal. Shorts a middle aged, wide girth, hormonal woman can wear in public. Is it just me or is there only two options in shorts these days? You have your 'Bermuda' look which are so long that they hit you at the knee or you have your 'Daisy Duke' version, which in reality is a small slip of cloth that barely covers your ass. Trust me when I tell you, NOBODY wants to see this ass.

Bermuda shorts, albeit cute, are not exactly reasonable when the temperature is 199 degrees and also leave an undesirable tan line. Daisy Duke's, well once again nobody wants to see it... Also most popular seems to be little bitty short 'tennis type' mini-skirts. Um, no, I don't think I want to be showing my peek-a-choo to the opposing team while sitting in my lawn chair on the sidelines, and heaven forbid I would need to bend over! I can see the mobs of other parents passing out from the sight of THAT, let alone the heat...

What happen to normal shorts? You know shorts that hit maybe mid thigh? And speaking of normal, when in all things holy did the 'natural waistline' move to 2 inches below one's belly button? Um, MY natural waistline (well when I actually had one) is about two inches ABOVE my belly button. When did it become normal to display one's muffin top over one's pants? HELLO I am trying to HIDE that muffin top along with the large ass, not display it!!!!

Don't even get me started on shirts. Okay too late - shirts, can I have just plain sleeveless? Do I have to have only halter tops or spaghetti strap shirts to choose from? That's a whole other area of flab hanging over and out that I don't wish to share. And when, my fellow Americans, did it become acceptable to wear a purple, green, yellow or blue bra with a white spaghetti strap shirt? Huh, when? I applaud women for actually wearing a bra with these shirts but DO I HAVE TO SEE YOUR BRA STRAPS? Huh, do I?

grab yourself a cup of joe, take a seat and let's have a little visit...

Been awhile since I've visited blogland and since I can't seem to keep it going, thought I'd throw it all out there at once, even though there is not much to say...

Still haven't seen the tattoo in it's full glory, hear that it is still in the 'creative process', but I have quit crying about it.  Not much I can do now...  Thank you all for the nice comments about C2, you bunch of cougars...

School is officially out for the summer and having a little problem with my baby going to HIGH SCHOOL, just sayin...

Went to a wedding last weekend with M, C1's girlfriend (he was in the wedding) and I wonder if it is possible to trade in one's oldest child and replace them with the girlfriend?  I'd do it in a red hot minute...

Once again there is construction at the house, seems hubby decided we needed a deck and so... we are getting one.  Why does this not work for me when I decide I want something?  

Need to go visit some blogs, miss catching up with all of you!  Was really happy to see Omaha Momma was back at it, just need Jane! to get back at it and then there is June, Tracie, hmmm... where is everyone?